Friday, November 12, 2021

Canvas Thee Thoughts - Unfolding Complacent Thoughts



 
The calm evening seems so beautiful as it’s begin serenading my untamed guts. The thoughts and recalling Ezra’s walking away from me yet again had ultimately drain my courage off from my spirit.

“This time, if I were to loose him, it’s all came to me..it’s my fault.” I muttered sorrowfully.

“Staying put all day long, beaming and welling yourself up with guilt and anxiety will not bring him back here, my girl..” said Ariel making me almost jump out from my skin. “Hmmpp Hmmpp.. too deep in your thoughts and sorrow until you don’t even realise I’m just an inch away from you honey.”

“He came back to make amends but …”

“First question is, why he need to come back only now?” Marks my dad.

I shrugged my shoulder.

“Next question, is he still the one for you? The one that keep your heart yields for something?”

“Strange dad, he shattered my dreams but yet my heart and my thoughts feel so incline to him..”

“So take this chance probably might be your last to fixed those shattered dreams. I believe he already been deemed with guilt far too long.. he’s suffering too Reem. Therefore make it whole again .. just for the sake of redemption on his part.. give him that chance.

         

“Ezra..”

Silence was the respond, as he busying himself rearranging the bouquet of lilies which I’ve actually prep myself yesterday evening before I’ve left the shop.

“If you sincerely do came back for us to make up for what we’ve lost..” I state halfway through my sentiments however I stopped. “After you left, I’m just like a living dead.. and that’s sickening tiring..”

“I know.. Habil told me everything. I wasn’t that far. I was here all this time.” Marked Ezra. “I stay put in a hospice just few town away. Habil is with me..nursing me, watching over me as I grieve with pain and harness of guilt.”

I took a sit by the stool as I held on to a piece of ribbon which Ezra had place upon the side table. My hands kind of trembling as tears begins to roam in my eyes.

“I decide to check myself out from there and request to live the rest of my lives back home.. back here. I was place under palliative care by my doctors and Habil will eventually be handling my deterioration day after day..”

I stood up and amble closer towards him as I enclose myself just next to him and say “Say you came back for me..”


“Please forgive me Reem, I can’t..” mark Ezra as he brings my arms away from him. 

“Okay..alright..” I said with amounting disappointment. I took my pace and just walk away. 

I sat on the bench at the park which was located not far from the florist shop. My darn tears just not wanting to stop as it keeps flowing softly on my cheeks.

“Reem..” cried a gentle voice behind me. 

“If my weakness is paining you, please forgive me and  the guilt which you’ve cause yourself makes you feel worst, I’ve forgiven you.” I state. “There’s nothing much I can say or do now to redeem my mistakes.. of being in love with you too much.. far too much..” with those words I stood up and decided to stroll away.

Suddenly my arm was gently tugged. I turned to face him and to my startled, it was Habil. He placed his fingers on my cheeks and lightly wipe the falling tears.

“I’m here for you..I know.. I could never replace Ezra, but I promise you, no matter what happens or if you ever need someone to talk to, to cry with ..I’m here with you..”

“Why Habil?”

Habil came nearer to me as he had his arms around my body and he brings me closer to him. “Because I’m in love with you..” he said. “And it paining me seeing you like this. I know, it is wrong for me to harbour that thoughts with such emotional connection with you, I felt that I’m betraying Ezra but I can’t control my canvas of thoughts about you any longer. However, I’m not expecting anything from you Reem. I honour and respect  your decision.” 

Sincerity is what I saw deeply amounting in his eyes. I begin to realise Habil indeed has stood silently shielding my spirit. He had sacrificed so much, taking care of my father, unknowingly taking care of Ezra too.

Our eyes locked with one another. In a notion, he brings his lips closer to mine. I closed my eyes and let myself get drown with his touch and soft kisses.

“I’m not afraid anymore.. if that’s what Ezra wanted…to let go of my love..then I won’t pursuing his heart any longer..” I thought to myself. “I believe Habil is sincere as he had forsaken too much for the well being of others…”




No comments:

Post a Comment