Canvas Thee Thoughts - Fallen Carousel

Canvas Thee Thoughts - Fallen carousel 

Much to my abhorrent guts, Ezra did came over that night, just before I've decide to make my way to the hospital to visit Leia. His persistent anguish statement, of me being irresponsible for not presenting myself during those final papers had indeed infuse some form of regrets and anger deep within my soul. 

"By the way, where the hell have you been the whole yesterday night?" Suddenly I snapped furiously.

"Studying of course..." state Ezra firmly. "At least I did came to seat for those papers...unlike someone who decides to be so ignorant and irresponsible as to go missing...." Mark Ezra. 

"Something happen to Leia..." I said grimly.

Ezra amble briskly towards the fridge as he place his unfinished tub of that peppermint ice cream back inside the freezer. Makes me wonder by now, did he actually heard my words or was he just playing ignorant plot with me. And true enough, he's seems not bothered at all...much to my annoyance, as he decides to march off towards his room.

"She said.... it wasn't you ..." I mutters with a sighed.

"Leia deserve to be plunder with this ordeal..." barked Ezra sharply. 

"Come on Ezra, Leia is facing her credits now.. " I rant furiously while praying that Habil won't be heading down towards the kitchen at this frantic moment.

"She's such an exhaustion to my life.." state Ezra shortly. "If she would just shut the hell up, I wouldn't have ..." paused Ezra and then he turn his sight away from me.

"Did you hurt Leia?" I asked coldly.

"She pushed me to the extreme, barking at me with those filthy words from her foul mouth.." state Ezra with raging tears embedded in his eyes.

I remained silent, as I clenched both my first tightly close by my side, while anticipating more definitions from him.

"I.....I just told her to hang herself and be dead.." marked Ezra sorrowfully. "I swear I didn't meant what I said.. but she took those words so intensely.." paused Ezra as he heave with a deep sigh of guilt. "Things was getting out of hands when she jumped at me, hitting and slapping me ... and she knew I bound to loose my senses but she just wouldn't want to stop.." state Ezra gravely. "I grab both her arms and then she kicks my shin .. upon that sheer moment of pain and confusion, I pushed her hard towards that table. I knew.. it's a grievous mistake but I just walk away.. not wanting to look back.." said Ezra with tears running down his face.

"She's not only had lost her baby, but she's lost everything.." I marked grimly. "I do not have to explain to you any further, about her surgery and all, cause I'm sure, you have read those messages which I've sent you earlier on..." I sighed with a frown knotted in my mind.

Ezra turn his teary self towards me in disbelief. Whirlwind deep within my soul, my nerve begin to ransack that sentiment of empathy towards Ezra. I just can't blame him anymore, whatever happened to Leia, it can't be totally his fault. Furthermore that child which Leia bore wasn't even his.

"Do you know who's child it was then?" I asked.

Ezra shake his head with doubtful note mark upon his face. "I swear, I didn't meant to hurt her and cause a bleak future for the rest of her life.."

"You can undo all those things Ezra ..." Ezra had his eyes stare intensely towards me. "Be responsible.." I said notably.

"To forsake what I used to have?" State Ezra as he came closer towards me.

I nodded. "Forget about our past..even though it might be unfair to you..." I said as I move away from him. My hand was tugged and then I was pulled closer to his form. "Ezra.. just please.." but without seconds thoughts, he had his lips upon mine with both his arms wrapped closely all around me. The weakness which I've felt for him has begun to spill in spiral notion of uncertainty. This is definitely a big mistake if I were to falter and give in to this unspeakable desire. Been embrace with his profound form and not forgetting my long lost of wanting to be wanted...it's sure such an incredible feelings.

Beyond that misty moment, suddenly my eyes caught upon Habil, rushing down the stairs. In that split moment, I quickly pulled myself away from Ezra's arm. 

"Reem, your dad..." marked Habil with tight worrisome note marks in his almond shape eyes.

Without second thoughts, I amble quickly up the stairs dashing straight to my father's bedroom, followed both by Habil and Ezra. Freda came in last, probably Habil must have took his chance to look her up. My tattered guts seems to be hanging loosely upon my spirit, as I knew I'm loosing my father way to soon.

Canvas Thee Thoughts - Fade To Ignite

Canvas Thee Thoughts - Fade To Ignite

"Reem.... Don't you think it's about time that you should just let it go ... set yourself free from everything..." those significant verbs just keeps pounding hard deep in my thoughts. And I feel so certain that's my mum's voice or was it Habil?

"Huh!" I rant with petrified form knocking my delusion senses out. And it was true enough, I had a kitchen knife in my hand and there was Habil looking absolutely dismay. His left arm was bleeding with a deep laceration cut.

"I couldn't have done this.." I mutters tearfully as I flung the knife upon the cold marble floor.

"She's crazy just like her mum..." yelled Freda frantically.

That rancid blurry note of confusion had unjustly dismantling my fragmented courage to million bits of pieces. With those teary eyes, Habil held out his arms as he came closer towards me.

"Stay away..." I mutters with trembling tone cast upon my chords as I took my pace and ran towards the door. 

"Coward and hopeless..." bark Freda.

And this time round I took on my heels and ran out from my home...which apparently doesn't really fit me physically and emotionally at all. When suddenly, I felt a light tugged of my arm and I just knew it was Habil.

I peer upon his injured arm with massive guilt embarking deep within my soul. "Please forgive me....I swear, I really didn't mean to hurt you..."

"Stay... and undo what's been clinging on to you far too long ..." mark Habil as he had his intense eyes staring hard through my frail mind.

"Just let her be... you are wasting your time dealing with that kind of narcissist being...!" Prick Freda sarcastically, as she relentlessly, trying to pry in hatred upon Habil towards me.

"She's right..... I'm hopeless and ignorant " I sighed with raging tears that keeps wounding my spirit. "Look at what I have did to you." I mutters. "You've got nothing to do with all of my setbacks but...it seems I'm dragging you along with it..."

Habil bring his hand towards my trembling fingers and bring them close to his heart.."It doesn't matter to me at all..." he noun. "Through setbacks, courage will bound to sprout...  you walk through them with kindle rays. A candle need to be burn, so light will be flare. Though in fade, you will ignite...." continues Habil with earnest note of determination.

Escalating exhaustion simply killing my spirit, shredding up my courage to million bits of pieces...as I push hard upon my depleting strength in wanting to safe my mum. Hope was not on my side, as it defers towards undefined fear. Fear that had accumulated and binding its noun deep within my soul. My inner voice was screaming out to her, but what voice could she ever sense, as we both might be loosing our souls deep beneath this torrential stream. Her eyes yelling out to me....telling me to let go, and free myself. Please forgive me? Was that her thoughts scripting upon the grey canvas of my mind. With that frantic notion mark upon her looks, she urge me to go before she turn her face away from my sight. "Mum!!! Mum!!!" Scream my inner voice.

"If only I could turn back the time.... I would make things right and fix what's needs to be fix..." I wept in between Habil's embrace. "I was a mistake....that's what she said..."

"But she still bore you with a significant hope..." mark Habil.

"Hope?" I sighed with heaviness sense of degrading courage.

"Yes indeed... hope to undo those mistakes..." noun Habil. 

I lightly shake my head for several times, as I let myself slip away from his embrace. And with that tattered soul, I just walk away. 

"I feel your pain Reem... because I've been through those nasty phase before..." mark Habil with that earnest persistent of wanting me to stay. "There's too many people that I've let down...too many of them. But I know, I need to let go of my rancid past so I could move on to something which is more worthy.... which I own myself far too long.." state Habil and then he continues, "Reem, you've make a good start actually... you've safe Leia... that's the worthy part of you being the hope..."

Freda who had almost lost her senses seems to be taken aback with Habil's sentiment. With my slight glance upon her, I saw tears raining from her eyes. Was it guilt, anger or redemption?

Dusk begins to touches in, as the significant rays of the glimmering sun had dims away. However, the presence of the eloquent breeze, had somehow or rather soothe that profound agony of my soul. I gently dress up Habil's wounded arm with remorseful thoughts amounting in my soul. Habil was kind enough to stay for another day, to look after my dad, therefore I could take the rest of the night out to be with Leia. Freda might be already by Leia's side by now, but due to her other personal commitment, (which seriously I do not want or just couldn't be bother to know..)will be leaving town for another couple of days. 

Canvas Thee Thoughts - Keepsake Thou Journal

Canvas Thee Thoughts - Keepsake Journal 

I stood in the shower with my clothes on, as I let the cold thunderous form, rain right through my already drench garment. Occasionally, I would took a glance of my numbly reflection upon the mirror which was hung right across the shower room. It seems, the mess bloodied floor has been cleared and I knew it was Habil that had eventually took the trouble to wash and rinse  it, while I was gone. I feel thankful but deep beneath my soul, I just wish there would be a slight stained left for me to mourn upon. 

 

That sudden light tapping on the door had retreat my conscious back to existence. I slightly ran the shower tap to light trickle form, as I amble closer towards the door and stood by it side. 

"Reem..." it was Habil. I muted myself as I was hiding my raging sob. "Reem.... it's never your fault. Non of it..."

"At that frenzy moment, I had almost wanting to hurt her...I swear.. I did have that sick intention ..." I cried as I clutched tightly upon the door knob.

"What makes you change your mind then?" Asked Habil calmly much to my startled.

"I... I don't know..." I stammered.

"It was you ... your infinity strength of courage and faith that had awaken your conscious...." utters Habil.

Despite I've been soaking wet and shivering due to the coldness from that endless cold shower which I bearing myself with, I still remain numb and statued by the door.

"Back in my past, after my lost, it took me such a long time, for me to accept and move on...." state Habil. "But, after I've met you, somehow or rather, you seems to remind me, so much about my past. However, you appeared to be much more valiant and stronger than me...." trails Habil solemnly.

"A lost? Does he carries so much pain and dreaded scars deep within his calm and compose spirit, which he's been canvassing beautifully for me to apprise?" Marked my thoughts. Probably I've been too self centred .. I only think about my own pathetic sheets and never give a second thoughts for him. Indeed, we barely known one another but there's something about Habil that had actually counsel my horrendous behaviour and attitude. Still having both my palms enclosing the door knob, I breath in the air of courage and turn it open. "Am I? But I'm fleeing... not wanting to accept another lost.. that's what you've mark me with earlier on..." I said with slight tinge of rage and annoyance.

"You could have taken that chance long time ago I presume, but you did stay..." replied Habil. And with those words, he took a pocket size journal, which belongs to my dad and place it in between my hands. It was my dad's personal notes and writings, which he would religiously jot down, the details of his daily events.

"Where did you find this?" I asked as I held upon that long lost journal tightly in between my palms.

"Last night, your dad seems to be awake and aware of his surroundings." Habil mutters as  he lightly took my hand and bring me out from the bathroom. Then he grab a towel that has been hung upon the rack and as gently as he could, he begins to dry my hair.

"Thank you ..." I said with a meek smile as I took the towel from him and wrap it around my shoulder. "Habil, it seems my dad might be making a progress or something..." I noun feeling hopeful. Hopeful for some form of miracles, but nevertheless it's just another delusion chart which I've painted for myself. To see everything fall back in place like how it used to be.. just me and my dad.

Habil lightly nodded his head with solemness clearly noun in his eyes. "Your dad urges me to stand next close to him which I comply. Then he held out his hand and he ask me to sit him up which I did. Then he whispered 'the red closet drawer' for several times. I linger my sight within the room and then I saw that mini closet which was situated in between those flower vase.." mark Habil earnestly as he pointed the red closet which I've never actually had any interest with that, not until today. "I came closer towards it and there I saw the drawer." Continues Habil. "Your dad nodded his head several times as if he's telling me to open the drawer and that's where I saw this journal. I took it and bring it to him.." state Habil solemnly.

"And he gesture you to read it?" I asked curiously.

"He took it in his hands. He was struggling as he was trying to flip through those pages.. I assist him though and that's where he finally open up to his recent writing I presume....the day when both you and your dad were...." pause Habil gloomily.

"Having another of those sickening argument which I fully regret for the rest of my life now..." I mutters as tears begin to wells in my eyes.

"Wow wow wow..." snapped a thunderous tone and I know that's trouble cause it's Freda much to my annoyance. I bring myself away from Habil who seems to look kind of startle upon Freda's sudden outburst.

With the journal still close in between my clasp, Freda came directly for it and roughly pull it away from my hands. Suddenly, I felt a sheering pain deep within my palms and I knew, it was paper cut. Habil might have caught that misfit look mark across my agonising face as he amble closer to me. However much to my disgust, Freda was much quicker as she came right in front of me and gave me a hard slap upon my face.

"Hey, cool it lady ..." rant Habil furiously.

"You stay out of this..." hissed Freda as she push Habil away from me. 

"You've finally thought you will have it all don't you?" Cried Freda as she had her sharp hatred eyes staring hard on me and then in such frantic notion, she begin to roughly flipping through the pages of my dad's journal. 

"Just what now Freda..?" I utters meekly. "If it's those properties deeds which you've been craving for.. just take it all right .. take it all.."

Freda storm an inch closer towards me and roughly clutches upon my damp hair... Habil must have felt kind of intimidated with Freda's barbaric nature as he pulls me away from her and bring my pathetic form close to his side.

"You will soon learn what I'm capable of, you ignorant fool .." warned Freda harshly as she had her raging eyes fix upon Habil's.

"Habil, maybe you should leave..." I cried as I bit my lower lips in wanting to mask my fear of Freda's horrific temper.

"I'm not leaving for I'm still on duty..." state Habil coldly with his fiery eyes looking sharply towards Freda's. "And I can't be leaving you all alone with her...because I've learn so much cruelty and unfairness treatment which you were force to endure living with them....." utters Habil as he turns his piety look towards my frail form.

"That journal...?" I stammered.

"Your dad has written it all..." trails Habil glumly.

Freda begins to sense treat, however her embarking pride simply has blinded her soul from seeing the truth. "What's the used of this old tattered journal ... your dad ought to present his wealth deeds to me before he's dead.. for that's all I would care about..." rant Freda frantically as she flung the journal right across my face and left.

Suddenly, I felt that sharp throbbing notion jabbing my head. That clouding darkness had begins to enclose my surroundings. I could almost heard my name being called faintly..and I knew it was Habil but the numbness sensation had wanting to engulf me with nothingness....that transcend complex view had decided to overcome my reality.

"Mum..." I state coldly with darkening note robbing my true self....

Canvas Thee Thoughts - Pulsing Faith

Canvas Thee Thoughts - Pulsing Guts

"Reem...Reem..." That persistent yelling. I knew Leia was in desperation calling out to my senses, to transit back to reality. "Reem please...."

Suddenly, I felt awaken but with a shocking notion. When upon that arisen moment, I  begin to realise that I was clenching the huge shower head tightly by my side and I was standing just few inches close next to tearful Leia. "What was I thinking?" Rant my inner voice of fear. And upon that sheering moment, I let the shower head slipped off from my fingers and upon that awakening gait, I took my steps further away from Leia with a frightening note embarking my soul.

"Reem ..." moan Leia in such ailing form.

"I will go get help..." I mutters as I managed to compose my thoughts and called for an ambulance. "My dad?" Cried my inner voice."Darn" Upon that sentiment, I seems to be left with no other choice, but to call Habil.

"Hello..." mutters Habil.

"I need you to come over to my home immediately ..." I said, hoping he would not sense the anguish and desperation note from the tone of my voice.

"All right...." he respond and without saying anything, he shuts his phone. I was kind of stunned and my thoughts begin to reel upon the canvas of negativity. Was he upset with me or did I actually had bothered him with my non intentional desperate measures? I shake my head lightly as my vibes range back upon Leia. Without wasting anymore time, I quickly call for an ambulance as I fled back towards the bathroom.

Leia was already in subconscious state as cold perspiration had form and both her palms were cold and clammy. My spirit begins to deter fear, as I held Leia close to my side. "Hang on.." I utters glumly.

"It wasn't Ezra ... " rant Leia frantically as she grip upon my arms firmly and suddenly in that split moment, she lost her consciousness.

It seems to take forever when finally a medical officer came towards me with a solemn look clearly written on her face. Deep within my soul, I know this isn't good.

"I'm so sorry Miss Reem, an emergency surgery need to be done to save your sister's life..." she marked with a distinct note of urgency.

" What kind of surgery?" I asked anxiously.

 "Radical hysterectomy..." she state leaving me looking kind of lost as I was totally unknown of what that surgery was about. "It's a complete removal of the uterus.." she explain shortly.

"That means Leia won't be able to have another child of her own?" I asked sorrowfully. I don't know why, despite I've been kind of growing up with her, in such spiteful manner, which both she and her mum had flourish me with, but somehow or rather, I begin to feel kind of emotionally dampen, I feel sorry for her and I feel a tinge sense of care or even love for her.

She nodded her head grimly as she took a form in her hand and place them in between my palms. "Leia is unconscious and I'm afraid she might have slip into a coma due to septic shock.. therefore getting her to sign this consent form is impossible now."

I took the form as I tries to maintain my composure to consolidate my thoughts and my guts. "We've got to wait for her mum and him.." I mutters as I fought hard not to let my tears fall.

"Please don't wait for too Long, or we could eventually jeopardise her life .." she warned and then she took her pace and headed back straight towards Leia's observation ward.

Upon that frantic notion I begin to call and sending lots of messengers to Ezra, hoping that he would just pick up my call and read at least one of my messages. However, to my disdain he simply shut himself off. And Freda, it was hopeless since she's block me off from her contact lists, therefore there's not much I could do either. I held the consent form close to my side as I walked towards the awaiting seats that was situated close by the main lift lobby. I withheld my tears as I sign the form and place it upon the nursing station. And without turning back, I took my pace and leave.

Dawn is catching up too soon, much to my anguish as I knew, I will definitely be not able to presence myself for today's final paper. Throughout my journey in the cab, my thoughts was whirling and twisting with jabbing guilt and self blaming. If only, I could retreat back those flaws attitude of mine, Habil would not have left and time would not have been wasted. Who knows I could even have few minutes to read through those last few chapters of my summaries notes. The agonising fatigue has finally encore deep within my being, much to my dismay.

As I was stumbling with tiredness while I was walking closer towards the front door, suddenly my phone rang. And to my anger, it was Ezra. "I'm not coming for today's paper..." I snapped before I shut his call off. Few more ringings and messengers came rushing through my phone but I just couldn't be bothered anymore...

Still feeling uptight with unleash anger and disappointment, I fret just before I could actually enters my home. With mix cocktail of confusion, somehow or rather I plunge courage back into my spirit as I enters the living room and there stood Habil looking remorsefully towards me.

I just can't contain my tears any longer when suddenly I begin to sob uncontrollably. Habil came closer towards me, and held me close in his arms.

"I'm so tired.... " I mutters with trembling note staining the canvas of my thoughts.

Habil remain unspoken, but he held on to my crumbling form, gently caressing my hair and lightly touching the back of my neck. His touch and his presence had actually, remarkably infused some sort of enlightenment strength and courage upon my soul. I just wanted to hang on to his touch but upon that sheer moment, I withdrew myself away from him. However, he had continue to held on to my hands and bring them close to his chest. He bring himself closer towards me, as he lightly touches my face and had his lips brushes next to mine. I closed my eyes just wanting him to undo me more, much to my repulsing guts, when suddenly Ezra came flashing in my thoughts. In that split notion, I pushed myself away from Habil. 

"Please forgive me..." mark Habil regretfully.

I bring my palm and gently place it upon the side of his face. "Thank you.." I said and then I walk towards the stairs and headed down towards the basement back to my room.

Canvas Thee Thoughts - Twist Upon The Mist...

Canvas Thee Thoughts - Twist Upon The Mist..

In between the hinges of the door, suddenly my eyes caught the sight of Ezra staring coldly towards me. Upon that sheer moment, I loosen myself away from Habil's embrace much to my own appall. Was it a sudden guilt or was it fear? Habil still had his hands around my arms, when suddenly Ezra barge straight right in.

"Ezra..." I mutters . My words doesn't seems to get through his heart, as he roughly pulls me away from Habil's arms.

"Hey... I remember so clearly how you've tried to hurt her before..." rant Habil as he tries to shove Ezra away.

"This is non of your concern... she's my fiancé .." hissed Ezra with such an intimidating look mark across his face.

"What?" I said with rancid bile entwining my guts. 

Upon that question which derail from my chord, suddenly Ezra lightly let go of my hand and slowly walks away, leaving me with some kind of misguided form of remorse. No doubt, I still do carry deep feelings for him. This lingering sense of wanting him, which simply fragmenting my spirit to million little pieces.

"Please Habil, I just want to be alone.." I mutters solemnly.

"I'm not leaving you being alone with him.." marks Habil coldly.

"Habil, I know you meant well.. but I belief Ezra wouldn't want to hurt me anymore.." I state glumly as I look away from his worrisome eyes.

"About, what he had said just now, of you and him...." trailed Habil.

"We used to be together...." I state abruptly cutting his words off.

Habil slightly nodded his head and then he remain silent, as he sling his bag across his shoulder. "I shall be in the living room if you need me..." 

"Habil..." I sounded unexpectedly. Habil turn his sight towards me, as he look straight into my eyes solemnly. "I'm moving out from here probably by next month..."

"How about your father? Will you be just leaving him...?" trails Habil with disbelieved mark in his tone.

"I really need you .... to look after my father." I state grimly as tears begins to dwell in my eyes. "I may sound selfish and irresponsible to you and to everyone else .. but I'm left with no other choice.."

"He's dying..." mark Habil gravely. "And no doubt the only being whom your father needed the most is you.."

"That's why .. I really need this favour from you.. I might be gone, but I will definitely comes back here occasionally to visit him.. and to pass you the pay cheques.." I said as I quickly wipe the fallen tears off from my eyes.

"You are running away because you are afraid..." utters Habil calmly, as he drew his fingers and gently place them on my cheeks. "To face another lost..." 

"Just stop reading my thoughts would you.." I snapped, as I pushed his fingers off from my face and had my intensity glare straight through his empathy eyes. "Just go.." I mutters as I took my steps away from his form and look away. 

I could almost hear Habil turning the door knob, as he was about to leave, when suddenly he paused his steps, "I will make sure that, you will exchange your lost with hope and courage... Because I belief you could .."

It seems Habil had decided to leave. I peered through the window of my dad's room and there I saw him riding off in his bike towards the opposite side of the town, which lead to the main road. Ezra has gone too, probably he came back just to take few of his stuffs in preparation for tomorrow's final papers. 

Thinking about those final papers, I've not even touch any of those subjects which Miss Agnes had earlier reminded us to focus and memorise. English literature has always been  my favourite subject. However, ever since my dad's health has began to deteriorate, I just couldn't stay in touch with the reality..my emotions seems to drift further away from the hard truth. I can't even block my mind off and get my soul immersed deep into poems and poetry anymore. Habil is right, I'm fleeing because I'm just too afraid ...to succumb with another lost.

As I sat silently by my dad's bedside, suddenly I heard an alarming shrill, that came from the bathroom. In a split moment, I stood up and dashed out from the room, speeding my pace down the stairs.

I could almost hear Leia was breaking down tearfully inside the bathroom. "Hey, is everything okay?" I asked.

"I can't move .." cried Leia in such a frightful manner causing me to feel kind of uneasy.

I began to turned the door knob frantically. However, unfortunately it has been locked from inside. "Leia, you need to barge a little to unlock the door .." I cried.

"Reem... I can't. I just can't .." moan Leia sorrowfully.

I know, I need to do something. Without second thoughts, I forcefully kicked the door open. 

"Oh God .." I mutters, in disbelieved with jabbing fear spilling right through my nerves. There laid Leia, sprawling on the bathroom floor, which has been flooded with blood, that seems to be gushing out from her below. Her pale shrunken face has spoken it all, that she was in so much fear and pain.

"What happened?" I asked, as I kneel next close to her in an attempt to lift her up. But with every inch and touch, Leia seems to be hurting more, much to my concern. 

"Damn.... I need to get help.." I thought to myself. I reach for my iphone as I begin to dial Freda, however to my anger, she has block my number off from her list. "Stupid bitch.." I snapped. Next I tried calling Ezra, however much to my disappointment, he has shut his phone off, probably he was busy studying for tomorrow's paper.

I can't be wasting anymore time, for Leia's live might be depending on me now..... however something or someone had began to crowd in my thoughts. "Mum...." I trailed.

Canvas Thee Thoughts - Laments In Wake

Canvas Thee Thoughts - Lament In Wakes

Walking back home, through the setting sun, while immersing my lamenting feelings of uncertainty, somehow or rather frail me out to exhaustion. I'm trying to tell myself, instilling rays of courage that everything will be okay, things will fall back like how it used to be. But for how much longer do I need to be chasing hope...? Recalling my previous visitation to the oncologist department regarding my dad's latest prognosis, it wasn't that pleasant at all. 

"It could be a month at least, or two weeks at most..." state the oncologist gravely. "I'm afraid, the cancer cell has spread to his spine, bone and his brain .."

Upon receiving that devastating report, I just felt my burning courage of endurance, had decides to frost midway, without even touching the finishing ground of victory. That so called promises which I've vow with my dad, off taking back what's being taken from us and to regain back our rights and respects, were indeed just a faltered strive of meaningless hope. 

Those reports which Habil read, were just the old ones instating those minor ailment of my dad, suffering from hypertension, cardiac prolapse and stroke. Therefore, he wasn't exactly aware about my dad's latest prognosis.

As I came upon the front gate of the garden, I saw the dim light of my dad's room was already on and I knew Habil has arrived. I'm not really that surprised that Leia was not around for I knew she might be out somewhere either at Ezra's apartment or just out. Apparently I just felt relief, I just want to be alone with my dad. 

"Why are you hiding the hard truth about your father?" Whispered Habil as I came into the room. "I demand an explanation which I truly deserves.."

"Your job is just to look after my father's needs.. you've no right to pride your nose with my affairs.." I snapped irately.

"Look Miss Reem, for now your dad's well being is my affair.." state Habil sternly. "If the truth were not mention to me or to any other caregivers, that would surely jeopardise our career. We could have make mistakes unknowingly, while caring for him especially which involve with medications." Marked Habil.

"Because I can't trust anyone anymore.." I sighed with reaping tears settling in my eyes.

"You've got to learn to trust yourself..." said Habil. "That's the adamant point, if you need to fix what's been claiming your faith.." continue Habil with concern note enclosing his tone.

I hover towards my dad as I sat close by his side, resting my face upon his shoulder. "I'm afraid this tiredness had overcome and enshrouded my faith.. I have questions after questions ringing in my head. What will become of me?"

Habil remain mum as he held the latest case note of my father, close to his side. 

"Things wouldn't turn out this way if only I would just listen..." I quiver as I struggle not to let my tears to fall.

"It was an accident.." utters Habil solemnly.

"That's what I've been telling myself but my guts betray me so..." I said meekly.

"It was because that's what your mind wanted you to think.." he replied shortly.

"I pushed him down the stairs.. " I said coldly.

"In a fit of anger, where your mind wouldn't want to listen to your heart.. when all your senses decides to shut down, but what was left was that rage, twisting with your thoughts .." marked Habil with earnest notion. "However Reem, you didn't pushed him down the stairs... he fell. As I've been reassuring myself too after I've watched that cctv.." he paused as he amble closer next to my side. "And about Maya... it's no ones fault either .." 

In a shocking note, I had my sight staring hard upon him. "You've been prying with my past? With my mental disorder?" I hissed.

"It's something which I'm obliged to look into it..." replied Habil grimly.

"Please pack your stuff, leave and never come back .." I rant furiously as I turned my sight away from his empathy gaze.

"I know how that feels Reem.." state Habil with dismay trade in his chord. "My past was filled with embedding scars too." And with those words he took his strive to leave.  

I ponder for a moment upon hearing that statement as I watched him took his sling bag and swung the strip across his shoulder.

"My mum passed away when I was barely twelve.." I said, as that rancid past once again, had began to engulf gripping fear deep within my soul.

Habil stay rooted with his back facing my wreaking spirit as he remain unspoken, probably he's anticipating for more words coming out from my chord.

"She took her own life..." I stammered as burning tears welling in my eyes. "Something which I'm just too afraid to accept and let go.."

Habil had his sight towards me, as he amble closer right in front of my trembling form. "None of this happening is your fault.. none of it.."

"I've tried to stop her... screaming, yelling and forcefully tries to veer that steering wheel so that our car will sway away from that torrential stream, but she carries on driving straight ahead. And within that split second our car had plunges straight in..." I cried with decapitating courage. "It was simply horrifying .." I stammered in between my sob. "In that sheer moment I've managed to free myself from my seatbelt but I was struggling to undo hers. Our car was sinking too fast by then.. suddenly I felt I've been forcefully pushed out from the car... and then my mind just goes dim and blank.. I couldn't remember whatever happened next.." 

And with those sentiment, my courage had indeed perish with my breaking tears as I wept uncontrollably in Habil's embrace. 

No words were spoken between us only warm hugs of comfort, that signify the bliss pleasure of embedding sense of belonging...