Canvas Thee Thoughts: Come Upon Me

You came into my dream again. Looking so beautiful but too much sadness pawn in your eyes. Not a word spoken and neither could I utter a script to convey my  thoughts and feelings. I usher myself to touch you, to feel you again..but you are not meant for me to hold any more. Just that ordain smile which you gifted me with…

Awaken in such a stunned notion, I sat on my bed, recalling your calmness and beauty, with tears welling in my eyes. Enclosing our wedding ring which I wore from the very first day of our wedding solemnisation, close to my heart. That significant evening which was set to be one of the most beautiful and memorable day for the rest of my life. After that unfortunate incident, you heal so well much to our joy and delight. We feel so thankful for the significant bliss and chances for us to amend what is wrong to do the right.

The love making  which we had was simply astoundingly beautiful and blissful. You had set your alluring icy blue eyes and charm, tingling me with the warmest yet gentle sweet kisses, undoing me in such the right  way and motions. Upon each touch which you gifted me, I became the submissive being of wanting more of your love.

However during that unforgettable evening when I overheard your conversation with Ezra, I knew something was beginning to amiss.

“Habil, why don’t you try that antidote? It probably  might help in your healing. I’ve taken them, and it has indeed proven its effectiveness, Even though it’s not 100% to be cured but at least it’s healing” state Ezra coaxing Habil.

I decided to just stand behind the wall so I could secretly listen to their conversation. “Is something happening to Habil which I was left unknown?” I thought with a tinge of disappointment.

Habil remain silent and his silence had actually stirred uneasiness deep inside my soul.

“I’m beyond cured. The poison had slowly engulf me internally. My wound had indeed completely heal but my internal organs is failing.” Noun Habil sorrowfully. “I’ve failed Ezra and I’ve failed Reem..”

“What nonsense are you talking about? Together we could come up with something.. a stronger antidote!” Exclaimed Ezra.

“My time is too limited now.. my chances of surviving is low.” Replied Habil solemnly “Ezra, you carry on with the findings..” noun Habil as he had his sight spun upon the view of the sea.

“I knew, sooner or later I will be loosing you..but why must it be too soon?” Rant my thoughts. The surgeon and doctors had already told me of your post conditions. Even though your stab wound has superficial and internally heal, but the poison which the dagger has been rubbed and thrust into you, had unfortunately corroded your vital organs. 

The night before you’re eternally taken.. we had lay side by side, arms interlocking one another, body and soul embracing each other. I knew I’m loosing you, for the warmest of your body slowly begins to fade. You had your eyes set upon me, unforgetting that splendour demure smile. I’m captured all those memories for my keepsakes. I place my fingers and gently caressing your face..and then you took your last breath. I couldn’t yelled, I wouldn’t screamed .. all I could do is sobbing tearfully in your arms.

Canvas Thee Thoughts: Embrace The Darkness

 

As gently as possibly I could, I place Habil on the cold marbled floor. I was about to let go of his hand, but I could feel a light tugged from him.

“Trust me..” I muttered as I let his hand slowly slipping off from me. He had his eyes looking anxiously towards me but upon that split moment a crude and lewd smile form on my face as I walk away from him.

The barbaric being laughed hysterically as though he had overcome a huge victory. He had his sight upon me but he seems to be in fixation as I amble nearer and nearer towards him while I began to unbuttoning my dress, letting him feast upon my ample body.

“Reem..” cried Habil as he struggled to crawl towards us.

In a swift notion, I caught hold of Orion face, the name that suddenly came back to my mind, Orion the son of Maxim. Maxim the being that had decided to astray Aaron with his greed and profitable scheme. However, Aaron was strong enough to pushed off that offer and in anger he cut Maxim off from all their shares and partnership. I could also recall Maxim had roared that he will never forget this and will set forth a vengeance to break Aaron’s family apart.

“Reem..” cried Orion.

I caught hold of his face and begins to rummage my lips upon his, causing him to moan and quiver. Bringing my body close to him had simply set him upon lustful desire of wanting me.

“Reem..” mark Habil sadly.

Orion begins to submit his corroded wants as he had roughly pushed me upon the counter top and begins tormenting me with his brutal kisses and caresses upon my shoulder and chest. Upon that gesture unknowingly he had slip the dagger off from his finger. Without wasting another second I quickly took it and thrust it deep in between his chest.

Orion had his shocking eyes locked upon me, before he fell dead upon my feet.

I pulled the dagger off from his chest and I flung it towards the far end of corner of our shop. My head hurts so badly now, that I held on to my temple with a grimaced. Two of his men had laid sprawling unmoved at the front entrance probably due to the massive blow which Habil had presented them with.

“Reem..” mutters my dad as he sat on the floor. It was a relieved knowing that my dad is alright.

“Habil..” I stutter as I rushed towards him and held him close in my arms. 

“Please forgive me..” whispered Habil.

“It’s okay, you will be okay..” I cried as I held on to him whimpering my soul out.

From the distance the siren of police vehicles and ambulance could be heard and I prayed all things will fall into places.

Habil look astonishing beautiful and bliss. I held out my hands in wanting to embrace him, but he’s too far a distance upon my reach. The amicable smile which he present himself towards me had simply ignite such a wondrous spirit of felicity and warm deep beneath my soul. 

“Habil..” I called out his name and suddenly I was awaken in such a startling notion. Upon that moment I realised I was in my room. Frantically, I pushed myself off from my bed and rushed out towards Habil’s room. The silence is mocking me, killing me..entwined me with sorrow. I sank on the front door of his room. It’s been a week now ever since his gone but yet I just couldn’t and wouldn’t want to accept it. 

“Reem..” cried a voice. It was Ezra.

“I believe him.. he didn’t mean to hurt me.. he..he was drugged..he need to come back. Habil needs to come back..” I cried tearfully.

“Reem please.. don’t do this to yourself..” pleads Ezra sternly as he held me up. “Do you think Habil need to be seeing you like this. Torturing and tormenting your soul with those riddling thoughts of yours.”

“My will of living has cut me and fragmented me to million tiny pieces. My soul was left with scars that bind me with more agony not healing. Acceptance of Habil’s passing was not for me to abide. To abide acceptance will conquer my courage. But what courage was I left with? Just nothingness and torments.” I state.

“You felt like all this happening, was left unanswered?” Asked Ezra.

I nodded my head.

“Then, we shall worked upon this. We will find the answer to all this.. I felt it too. I felt someone is wanting to break our family apart.” State Ezra. “I need you Reem.. together we can find the main delinquent.” 

Upon those words, I knew.. I had to instilled the noun of courage back into my soul.

Canvas Thee Thoughts : Recounting Baits

 

“Do you really need to leave?” I asked gloomily.

“It’s just a couple of days only..” replied Ezra with a smile. “And it’s a working trip mind you not a resort vacation.”

“Come on Ezra, please let me come with you?” I begged.

“Oh Reem. N.O .. no. The shop needs you..” state Ezra as he busily packing his clothing and other of his stuff into his bag. “I’ll be gone for just couple of days not years..if I can managed to pass the years though.” Exclaimed Ezra faintly.

“There.. that’s the reason.. so let me come with you..” I plead again coaxing him therefore he could change his mind.

“Reem.. you are already officially engaged to Habil..so it doesn’t look right for me to let you tagged along with me in this trip..” state Ezra firmly as he playfully tossed my hair.

“An engagement which I never agreed upon..” I mark solemnly. 

“Habil will protect you..and I believe he’s the best man to do it..furthermore he’s my brother..” pacify Ezra as he looked at me with a smile. With those words he slung his bag in his arm and left.

A week had passed by but still there’s no sign of Ezra coming back. The florist shop seems to kind of losing its glitter of joy and laughter ever since Ezra left. Or probably that was just my mind trying to set that scene to be.

“Reem, I noticed you’ve been too pre occupied yourself being here.” Remarks my dad in a worrisome tone.

“I need to keep tabs with the orders ..” I replied shortly as I continue diligently stacking and filing all the past and present orders invoices.

“Reem, don’t hide things from me. You seemed hurt and anguish..” state my dad as he came close to the counter and sat next to me.

“Habil touched me.” I mutters faintly as I had my sight upon my empty coffee mark. “Without my willingness..”

“Oh sweetheart.. I’m afraid that’s hard to believe..” he ponder.

I smile meekly and then I said. “Even I find it’s hard to believe that he’s capable of hurting me in such manner. He claimed he was drugged and he wasn’t himself when he had …”

My dad hold me close to him. It’s the very first time he had actually ever embrace me. “I’m hurt dad..it’s killing me.. please dad, don’t let Ezra know about this..and another thing, do call off my engagement with Habil..”

Upon that moment suddenly three being had stormed into our florist shop.

“We are closing now..” marks my dad as he moved forward towards one of the men. However without a warning he had strike my dad with a cricket bat much to my horror.

“Dad!!!” I cried as I quickly got to him and hold him my side.

“You must be Reem Sumaiyah..” he exclaimed with a wicked grin as he came forward and roughly pulled me up closer towards him.

“I don’t know if you could ever recall me..” he snarled.

“Remind me then.. who the hell you are and what do you want?!!” I yelled as I struggle beneath his arms.

“My dad and Aaron used to be partners in business. Pharmacology and Biochemical products.. all those drugs and medical stuff. They start small.. something like this pathetic florist shop of yours. My dad slotted himself day and night to bring PAB to be well known, globally known. Aaron promised he will make my dad the CEO of the second empire once it’s build, but what irks us Aaron decides to put you in charge instead..”

“I swear I didn’t know anything about this..” I rant as I winced in pain as he held on to my hair so tightly in his hands. 

“Bullshit!!!” He roared and in a split moment he slapped me hard across my face. The impact was so strong that I was flung few feet away from him.

Out of sudden I begins to recap at one point of time, when I was coming back from college, I notice Aaron and another gentleman was a deep discussion that turns out to be a heated argument. I recalled Aaron was against this man policy of selling high toxicity drugs that he claimed could cure cancer. 

“Your father is a greedy man. He wanted to sell toxic drugs to gain more profit..” I cried as I struggle to stand up.

“You know nothing about him..don’t you dare calling him names..” he bark as he strode towards me and forcefully held me up closer next to him. “Fuh.. just look at you.. I didn’t know Aaron has kept you pretty well..”

“Leave my daughter alone..” pleads my dad anxiously.

“Dad..” I cried in fear as the being drag me towards the corner of the shop. “Please don’t hurt me..” I plead. “You want the company, just let me sign any papers you need me to sign..”

“Oh you will definitely sign them alright, but let me taste you first..” he cried as he pin me with his body upon the floor. 

I cried in terror and fear. “Habil..!”

In that split moments there was a fight commotion had break up in the shop. Despite that frantic moment, the barbaric being continuously tormented me with his rough touches and kisses. I cried tearfully feeling so sick and disgusted. “No..” I cried in desperation.

Suddenly I felt relieved from the heaviness of his body..he had been roughly shove away from me.

“Reem..” mutters a gentle voice. It was Habil.

In another second, Habil had furiously threw few punches towards that being.

“Habil, the son of Aaron..” smirked that being. “Another form that will perished in my hand..” with those words without me realising it, he had held a long dagger. Within that mere moment, he had cruelly shove it towards Habil’s torso. Not once but twice..

“Habil!!!” I screamed tearfully as I struggle and quickly held on to Habil fallen form. “No..no..no this can’t be happening..” Habil quiver in pain and sorrow in my arms. “No..” upon that notion, suddenly my mind and turns bleak. The fear doesn’t resounds me but another soul has gain me..the soul of darkness.

Canvas Thee Thoughts : The Awaken Beam

 

The noon sun has almost sets in but my guts and my form just not wanting to leave the room. Tears of heartbreak and betrayal just wouldn’t want to leave the spiral sadness of my heart. I clenched my knees close to my body, gently rocking myself trying to claim some comfort. 

Upon that notion, suddenly there’s was a light knocking on my door. Fears sets in as I tremble and shiver.

“Reem..”It was Ezra. “It’s almost noon, and your breakfast turning cold soon. Not forgetting your medication.”

I remained stupor for the noun name courage had indeed left my spirit.

“Reem. May I come in?” Requested Ezra sounding as calm as he possibly could.

“I’m alright. I’m just having slight temperature..I’ll be down in a while.. just let me rest first..” I replied trying to make a notable tone.

“Okay.. anyway our florist shop will be close from today till weekend, so we could all rest and spend some ample time together as a family.” Marks Ezra.

I remained silence with a worrisome charts stamped in my head.

The cold shower had indeed somehow or rather begins to fragment the benign fear and sadness in my heart. However the darkening traits of anger had begins to engulf. “No, I can’t appear to be weak. I’m Reem.. I’m stronger .. I can overcome this. You’ve trampled my soul, I swear I will cut yours even more.”

I sat coldly by the table as I slowly sipped my coffee. Habil came by but he just stood a few feet away from me looking distraught with torrential guilt. I had my sight straight looking in his eyes. Beside my coffee cup, as usual there lay my medication which Habil had never failed to prepare everyday. I stood up and with a smirk look rate on my face, I took all those medication and flung them straight to his face. “I’m disgusted with you..” I snarled and then I walks away.

But my arm was caught as he gently held on to it. “Don’t do this..” pleads Habil.

I roared with laughter. “Did you stopped when I plead to you like a sickening slave begging for mercy..?”

“What’s going on here both of you?” Cried Ezra with my father walking behind him.

“I.. I..” stammered Habil with wreaking tears marks in his eyes.

“Just a minor misunderstanding..we are good. Aren’t we Habil?” I rant and with those words I walked away.

Evening just about to sets in. I looked upon the sky, it seems rain bound to fall soon. From afar, I saw both Ezra and Habil sitting together by the coffee table talking and giggling between themselves. I was thinking of placing few of our flower pots further inside our garden porch hoping both of them won’t be noticing me. However, as I walked just few feet away from them, I overhead Habil wanting to make his creed confession of staining me.

“Habil!!!” I called out which sounded like almost a shout which definitely shocking both of them. “Can you give me a hand here for a minute?”

Ezra nodded his head acknowledging Habil’s wanting to assist me.

In a brisk, I took hold of his hand and roughly shove him against the wall, making sure Ezra and my dad were out from our sight.

“You listen here, and be wise. Don’t you dare open up your stupid mouth, telling them of what sick deeds you have done.” I warned him.

“This guilt..” mutters Habil.

“Live with it!!! Don’t end Ezra life too soon with the damage which you’ve caused me..” I warned him again. 

Days passing too slowly to my perspective. Each time nights transcend, it becomes such a traumatic maze cursed upon my skin. Sleep refused to come and it’s already coming to the forth day, I barely could close my eyes. For each time doses of slumber decides to reside my eyes, the wreaking terror script carousel my thoughts to haunt me. It’s killing me inside out. No matter what Habil do or say to mark his guilt..to crave the redemption, I just couldn’t look at him or just be near him.

Tonight is yet another night of insomnia for me to be bound. I tossed my blanket off from my body as I walk towards the door. My hands shiver as I turned the door knob and slowly opened it. I sighed with relief as I tiptoed out from my room. “I need to take something.. I need to get myself some sleep.” I thought to myself as I came towards the kitchen cabinet. In a swift, I begin ransacking each and every cupboard searching for some pain killers to doze me off. “Where is it?” I hissed furiously.

“Looking for this?” 

I froze, it was Habil.

“Give them to me..!”

“You refused the other medication but yet here you are solely needing and depending on this drugs..?” He exclaimed sternly.

“I said just give them to me..” I snapped in rage as I clawed my means and ways to get that bottle of potion off from his hands.

Habil wouldn’t want to give in as he hold the bottle firmly in his palm and with his other arm, he had managed to entwine me closer to him. 

“You sickening beast..!” I cried.

“Why does it makes it so hard for you to believe me.. I swear I didn’t mean to hurt you. I’m willing to take full responsibility for all the damages that I’ve caused you..” 

“Just stop your prophetic talks with me..” I cried as I struggle in between his grasp.

However in a midst of that, he had managed to pin me against the wall. No matter how hard I tried to get myself off him, he just wouldn’t barge as he had his icy blue eyes staring intensely into mine. It feels intoxicating however, pleasurable much to my disgust.

“Habil!!! What’s this?” Exclaimed a voice. It was Ezra.

Upon that moment, Habil slowly released his arms from me with guilt stricken mark on his face.

“I’m.. I’m into this stuff now.. Habil is here trying to stop me from taking any more of it…” I said grimly.

Ezra took the drug from Habil’s hand and shake his head.

“What’s happening to both of you?” He asked. “Reem, you should be better than this…? If you can ever recall what this shit had actually done to your mum..??”

“She’s becoming insane thanks to both of your dad???” I roared in anger and left.

I flung myself on the bed with sobbing storm embarking me.

“Reem..” marked Ezra sadly as he stood few feet away from my bed. “Please forgive my words. I’m just worried seeing you like this. You’ve seems to change and so is Habil. Each time when I asked, both of you just keeps mum. Look, it’s okay to have some misunderstandings but to drag it till like this. And now you taking those harmful stuff..” heaved Ezra sorrowfully. “Another thing, Habil told me, you refused to take any medications which was prescribed by him. You know, he’s your doctor now, so it’s his obligation to look strictly upon this matter.”

“Alright, I will take those medications but under one condition. Either he’s got to go or I will leave.” I cried.

Ezra sat on my bed with shocking note marks on his face. “Reem, tell me what’s going on between the both of you?”

I remained silence as I had my sight fixed upon the laminate floor.

“Certain things are better to be left unknown and forsake. The fault lies in me. I’ve been selfish…too self centred.” 

“But if it’s breaking you too much.. you can always share and talked to me.. remember like how we used to be?”

“No matter how much I’ve always wanted and dream of us being like how we used to be? But I guess.. all those were just casual talks in my head, trying to pacify my heart.” I marked sadly. “I’m tired now.. I need my rest..”

I lay on my bed, as Ezra pulled the blanket and gently covers me. In a brief he had his sight on me before he closed the door and left.

Canvas Thee Thoughts : Apocalyptic Hearts

From my room, as I sat on my bed with my knees close upon my chest, I could vividly see Ezra sitting alone on the bench of our garden. He seems to have his thoughts and sight purging upon the view of the sea. However right after dusk sets in, I just couldn’t forsake these listless feelings lingering my soul.

After Habil saw my acquaintance with Ezra, Habil just turned and walked away without saying a word. I became uneasy seeing this side Habil.

During dinner, he hardly touches his food. My dad was the non oblivion one as he tries to strike a conversation for he could sense tension enclosing among us. As I begin to cleft the ice by joining in with my dad’s subject.

“I’m done..” state Habil coldly as he stood up from the dining area and left without looking back.

“Have I angered him too much?” Rant my thoughts.

With that dampening maze ransacking my head, I lay upon my bed, hoping sleep will just touches and soothe me. When suddenly there was a light tapping on my door. 

“Who is it?”

Silence is all there to be noun but the tapping of the door continues. I pushed my blanket away and usher myself towards the door and open it.

“Habil..” I mutters.

There were rancid darkening scripts mark in his eyes  as he forcefully came into my room and in a flash he locked it from inside. Soon I realised his grave intention as I tried to walked pass him so I could unlocked the door and ran. But he had his arms enclosing my waist. Before I could scream, he had cupped my mouth with his hands and all my screams and rants just transcend to high muffles.

I struggle with all my might beneath his arms, pleading and begging him to let go. But it all turns to nothing, as he roughly shoved me on my bed with him on top of me. 

“Habil please don’t do this… you are hurting me..”

Those pleads just fall like the petals of flowers been cruelly blown and crushed by a blizzard storm. Habil ferociously had his lips terrorising over mine, I struggle beneath him, but to no avail as he tore part of my clothes leaving me feel so vulnerable. He smiled in such a crude manner much to my fear as he had his lips ransacking all over my shoulder and my body in such brutal manner. With both my hands I tried to fight him off but he had his hands empowering my wrist by the side of my bed.

“Habil.. don’t do this.. I’m begging you..” I cried tearfully.

Without mercy, he had cruelly taken me in such merciless manner. The agonising pain was unspeakable. I tried to scream but he has cunningly locked his lips in between mine, with his fingers roughly kneading my body. I tremble in between sob and tears but he doesn’t seems to see all that, he doesn’t even care. After he had fulfilled his horrific lustful task. He had his darkening eyes looked upon mine. In a brief, he held his temple with a grimace look of fear on his face. I just couldn’t look in his eyes any more. I looked away with silent tears woven in my eyes. I knew he had robbed my dignity yet again and for this time, I just couldn’t win stand the torturous pain as I slipped into that sub consciousness state.

I arouse back to reality as I felt such an agonising pain and bruise pounding my head and my body. I could hardly move my legs as they felt kind of heavy and limp. My below beacon such a tormenting sore. Suddenly I remember, Habil.

I turned to my side and there he lays station in his slumberland. In my heart ran those scripts of daunting questions. “Why? How could you ?”

Upon that wheeling moment suddenly Habil has awaken, but in such a startling manner. “Reem!!!” He whispered.

His eyes caught my frantic shivering sight. “What have I done?” Cried Habil as he came closer towards me.

“Stay away from me..” I screamed.

“Reem..I swear I don’t remember anything. I wasn’t aware of what I was doing or thinking..” explained Habil tearfully as he enclose his arms around me.

I struggle in between his embrace and pushed him away from me.

“I will bear this responsibility.. I swear I will..”

“Over my dead body.. I swear you will never touched me again..” with those words I took few of my show cases items and threw at him.

Habil used his hands to shield himself from those metal plates however, one had eventually hit the side of his lips and slightly cut it.

I felt taken aback. “Go.. and don’t ever come near me again.”

“You’ve got to believe me.. I was set up.. I was drugged..” state Habil tearfully as he puts on his clothes. “You know me, what kind of person I am.. you know how much I’ve felt for you.. I wouldn’t want to hurt you.. I love you Reem.”

“I believe now.. I believe it alright.. you’ve actually projected what kind of liar and barbaric person you are. I hate you Habil. You are a pretentious being, unveiled yourself and just show what kind of devilish form you are.”

Habil looked sadly towards me, and with no words spoken, he left.

    

Canvas Thee Thoughts : Whimsical Pulsing Notes

 

“Deep in your thoughts?” Marked my dad startled me away from my thoughts.

I smiled faintly with my eyes sets upon the whimsical fountain of our garden which both Habil and Ezra had previously made.

“Hmmpp, regretting for setting your heart upon the other one?”

“Should I or shouldn’t 1?” Me inner guts pouncing me.

“If you choose him, you will falter like your mum.. Anna Maya… if your heart choose the other one , you will be bliss trust me.. Habil is a sincere being. Been along with him for quite some time now, so I know.”

I chuckled lightly and then I decided to ask how does he manage to get acquaintance with both of them. 

“Anna Maya, the name the form that will forever haunt me..If only I’m strong enough to push her love away but I disdain myself for betraying her ultimate trust towards me.” State my dad remorsefully. “I’ve forsaken her, right after I’ve taken her forcefully.”

“Ariel..” I could hear my voice quiver in shock and anger.

Ariel begins to sob. “Few weeks later she came back tearfully telling me …” pause Ariel 

I nodded as I fully understood.. my soul had been casted upon my mum’s womb.

“We did tied the knot, so not to forsake my reputation and my status. Too many hearts has been broken and that includes Aaron’s.” Marks my dad as he pause in awhile. “Aaron…finally marries the girl whom his parents has chosen for him. A well respected girl from a noble family. Not long after you were born so are both Habil and Ezra.”

“They are twins?” I asked and with certainty I just begin to realise the resemblance are there.

Ariel nodded his head as he continues to recount back the past,  “Despite Anna showers me with her immersed love and empathy but I just couldn’t bring my heart closer to her. The ordeals of my horrifying temper and my unstable mental has certainly killed Anna spirit inside out. I outdone myself after I had almost hurt her with a clever. She was heavily pregnant with our second child.”

With those words spoken, Ariel sank on the couch with his head hang low. “Aaron was expecting his third child too, however things were not looking too bright on his side either. His marriage was tested with grieve trials of infidelity. Freda came damagingly his family. Forcing them to break apart. Habil was placed in a foster care, while his wife, his son Ezra and his daughter was thrown out from their home.”

“Leia, isn’t she’s Aaron’s daughter too?”

“No, she’s an unwed lock child.. Freda is not a good person..she’s evil and she practises witch craft..”

“Witch craft?” I asked in disbelief.

“I know it sound absurd but these things still do exist.”

“Aaron was charmed by her..and right until today, I still couldn’t forget the day when Aaron came to me looking kind of frail and tired. He came telling me he had lost everything. I wish I could do more to help him, but I’m in such a ruinous situation myself.” Said Ariel with distraught look engraved on his features. “One day, he came and it was one of those days when my detrimental motions sets in, I was holding on a clever, almost hurting her with it. Aaron came in just in time to stop my horrendous deeds. I could hear you, wailing and sobbing calling out for your mum.. I became confused, irrational and suddenly my bleak mind just black out.” Tears of guilt and sadness just keeps dwelling in our eyes. “When I finally became aware of my situation and the surroundings, I realised I’ve been placed in an asylum. Anger just sets in.. I became more hysterical and restless, I felt so betrayed and I swear I will never forgive Aaron..” 

I came closer next to Ariel and sat close next to him. I lay my head upon his shoulder with my arms interlock upon his. “Days passes on till months and years when finally I began to accept my fate. Probably me being locked up is the best way to keep me from hurting the ones that I love..One day, Aaron came.. after throughout those years, he finally came to see me. But with the bitter tidings. Anna…Anna has taken her life due to long run depression which I’ve bore and cursed her with. Her depression sets in due to the baby which she’s lost ..I killed our unborn child due to the continuing beatings which she was force to endure when she was under my care. Then you came to my mind, as I begin to ask more about you. Aaron was cautious of not wanting to tell me much about you. He said you are doing well in everything. I believe him..but deep down in my heart, I know you are hurting too..”

“Aaron visitation becomes more often, like almost every week. He showed me pictures of you. You are beautiful just like your mum. He breaks the news that he finally managed to locate his children. However, he make himself unknown towards Ezra. He found Ezra and his daughter under the care of a homeless woman. Finding out the fate of Ezra and Maya certainly had killed part of his spirit. Due to that sorrowful guilt, which actually makes him not wanting Ezra to know he is his father. For Habil, he already knew he is his son, for he has personally place him under the care of one of our teachers. Nevertheless, he’s always beaming with pride and in high spirit each and every time when he talks about all of you. Another thing which you ought to know is, Habil he’s got a degree in science social psychology.”

“He’s in psychological.. a psychiatrist then?” I asked in disbelieving amazement.

“Ahem.. Aaron makes sure his sons outshines him. Unlike Ezra, well nevertheless he’s more to plants and flora so.. that florist shop explains everything.” State Ariel with a grin.

“Hmmpp, fascinating.. I guess that’s explained how and why I was always the outcast among the two..” marks Ezra sarcastically. “But why bother, I won’t be living too long either..”

“Blame yourself for pushing us away from your life.. we tried, we coaxed, we cried just to make you see and open up your hearts to accept us.. but you just couldn’t..you are selfish and heartless..” I cried.

Ezra amble closer towards me and upon that moment he place his forehead against mine with his arms enclosing me. “It’s hurts Reem.. it’s killing me..” with those words spoken, he released his arms away from me and walks away.

Ezra took a seat by the high wall of our open garden which faces the sea. The Sun was generally begins to sets in, I had my sight upon his back with mixed feelings of empathy and guilt. Upon that notion, I carry my steps walking closer towards him, and sat few feet away from him.

“The sun seems to be setting down too soon..” mutters Ezra. “However the beauty of it, the arousing warm togetherness with the cooling breeze will not be forgotten even if left unspoken.”

“Gone too soon..but memories is well kept unspoken.” I state. “What an irony..or should I said it’s just a mere thoughts.”

Upon those words, Ezra had his sight intensely looking at me. “I can’t deny my feelings for you Reem. Seeing this setting sun somehow or rather reminds me of us.. it’s too beautiful to be forgotten but it’s an obligation to let go..”

“If that’s what your heart has decided.. there’s nothing  more I can say or do then..” I said as I try hard not to let my tears fell. “Habil has confess his genuine feelings towards me. I just figure out that it will be best for you to know..”

“I already know. Long time ago. I believe, I could always outshine him, because I’ve already won your heart, we had almost to become one but due to my fate, my illness that I’ve been webbed in..it’s the best for the both of us to forsake and to forget..” with those words he stood up but unexpectedly I held on to his hands, not wanting to let go. My heart just felt too strong too incline for his love and affection. 

“Let me do more.. let me hold you and take care of you..” I seems to plead. “Like how we used to be, looking after each other..”

Ezra interlock his fingers in between mine..as he looks at me with that tenderness pleasure of wanting but forbidden.

Suddenly he let go of my hand.. and I knew, an eminence form is just standing nearby us. I turn myself towards that form.. it was Habil. 

Canvas Thee Thoughts - Unfolding Complacent Thoughts

 

The calm evening seems so beautiful as it’s begin serenading my untamed guts. The thoughts and recalling Ezra’s walking away from me yet again had ultimately drain my courage off from my spirit.

“This time, if I were to loose him, it’s all came to me..it’s my fault.” I muttered sorrowfully.

“Staying put all day long, beaming and welling yourself up with guilt and anxiety will not bring him back here, my girl..” said Ariel making me almost jump out from my skin. “Hmmpp Hmmpp.. too deep in your thoughts and sorrow until you don’t even realise I’m just an inch away from you honey.”

“He came back to make amends but …”

“First question is, why he need to come back only now?” Marks my dad.

I shrugged my shoulder.

“Next question, is he still the one for you? The one that keep your heart yields for something?”

“Strange dad, he shattered my dreams but yet my heart and my thoughts feel so incline to him..”

“So take this chance probably might be your last to fixed those shattered dreams. I believe he already been deemed with guilt far too long.. he’s suffering too Reem. Therefore make it whole again .. just for the sake of redemption on his part.. give him that chance.

         

“Ezra..”

Silence was the respond, as he busying himself rearranging the bouquet of lilies which I’ve actually prep myself yesterday evening before I’ve left the shop.

“If you sincerely do came back for us to make up for what we’ve lost..” I state halfway through my sentiments however I stopped. “After you left, I’m just like a living dead.. and that’s sickening tiring..”

“I know.. Habil told me everything. I wasn’t that far. I was here all this time.” Marked Ezra. “I stay put in a hospice just few town away. Habil is with me..nursing me, watching over me as I grieve with pain and harness of guilt.”

I took a sit by the stool as I held on to a piece of ribbon which Ezra had place upon the side table. My hands kind of trembling as tears begins to roam in my eyes.

“I decide to check myself out from there and request to live the rest of my lives back home.. back here. I was place under palliative care by my doctors and Habil will eventually be handling my deterioration day after day..”

I stood up and amble closer towards him as I enclose myself just next to him and say “Say you came back for me..”

“Please forgive me Reem, I can’t..” mark Ezra as he brings my arms away from him. 

“Okay..alright..” I said with amounting disappointment. I took my pace and just walk away. 

I sat on the bench at the park which was located not far from the florist shop. My darn tears just not wanting to stop as it keeps flowing softly on my cheeks.

“Reem..” cried a gentle voice behind me. 

“If my weakness is paining you, please forgive me and  the guilt which you’ve cause yourself makes you feel worst, I’ve forgiven you.” I state. “There’s nothing much I can say or do now to redeem my mistakes.. of being in love with you too much.. far too much..” with those words I stood up and decided to stroll away.

Suddenly my arm was gently tugged. I turned to face him and to my startled, it was Habil. He placed his fingers on my cheeks and lightly wipe the falling tears.

“I’m here for you..I know.. I could never replace Ezra, but I promise you, no matter what happens or if you ever need someone to talk to, to cry with ..I’m here with you..”

“Why Habil?”

Habil came nearer to me as he had his arms around my body and he brings me closer to him. “Because I’m in love with you..” he said. “And it paining me seeing you like this. I know, it is wrong for me to harbour that thoughts with such emotional connection with you, I felt that I’m betraying Ezra but I can’t control my canvas of thoughts about you any longer. However, I’m not expecting anything from you Reem. I honour and respect  your decision.” 

Sincerity is what I saw deeply amounting in his eyes. I begin to realise Habil indeed has stood silently shielding my spirit. He had sacrificed so much, taking care of my father, unknowingly taking care of Ezra too.

Our eyes locked with one another. In a notion, he brings his lips closer to mine. I closed my eyes and let myself get drown with his touch and soft kisses.

“I’m not afraid anymore.. if that’s what Ezra wanted…to let go of my love..then I won’t pursuing his heart any longer..” I thought to myself. “I believe Habil is sincere as he had forsaken too much for the well being of others…”

Canvas Thee Thoughts : Too Late

 

The morning that I will never forget. As usual me busying myself with the morning intake orders of flowers and bouquets. Calculating and preparing the invoice payment, segregate orders which and when to be delivered before noon touches in.

My dad was indeed such a great help. Balancing the accounts, taking and making phone calls was such a whisk duties for him and I’m impressed. Habil, well he’s a medical profession darling so there’s nothing much he can do if he stick around too much in our florist shop. However one thing he’s good at is his marketing skills. He could simply close at least three orders in a day. 

“You are just too cute, that’s why.. unlike me the unravel one..” state my dad rationally quite true.

Habil blushed sheepishly just upon hearing that remarks.

“Oh dad come on.. it’s Habil’s effort and skills..”

“See, you even got my girl on your side huh..”

I rolled my just with annoyance. “You know my dad right?”

“Well, he’s right I’m just too cute for this job..”

“Haahaa..” I replied in pretense bothered as I walk towards the main entrance of our shop to draw up the blinders when suddenly I saw him stood a stone away from my sight. Ezra is back…

I remained statue as I saw him coming closer towards the entrance. He swung the door open and stood staring earnestly right  to my soul. 

It seems strange as I felt my surroundings was immensely intense with his presence. I couldn’t feel the others around us, there’s no daddy and no Habil’s form cascade upon my canvas of thoughts upon that moment.

“Reem..”

No matter how hard I tried to accept this current benevolent notion of seeing my first love coming back to me but I just couldn’t respond or make a speech.

In a brief, I took my step and walked away from his presence. I sneak inside the store room and simply shut the door.

“Leave her alone first, give her time alright..” I overheard Habil pacifying him.

I must have fallen asleep in the store room as I wake up I found myself laying comfortably on the couch which was place upon the back yard of the shop. I rubbed my eyes gently when suddenly I realised Ezra was sitting just few inches away from me.

“Stay away from me ..” I snapped furiously. “Did you carry me over here?” I asked out of curiosity.

“I didn’t have that much strength now..” state Ezra dejectedly.

I had my sight staring intensely towards him. “Stop playing empathy games with me.. I’m tired of your craps and lies.”

“I don’t blame you for hating me..”

“Why did you come back?” I said. “So we can be like how we use to be? Hmmpp that will never happen!”

“I don’t expect anything from you or from anyone else.” Replied Ezra. “I’m just too afraid of dying alone..”

“Oh God..now you playing the dying games..” I snarled. “You know what, you failed”

“And that’s why antagonist exist..! Because you never give me the chance to prove myself my words..”

“Just stop it Ezra..you’re egocentric.” I state. “You’ve got the chance, the path but you decide to exiled yourself, leaving me feeling so hopeless. You are selfish because you never given me a pit of chance to show what our love are made for..you left me stranded..”

“I’m afraid to give you shattering hopes and dreams..”

Suddenly I saw a deep streak of blood slowly flowing from Ezra’s nose. 

“Ezra..” I muttered as I swiftly held on to Ezra.

“I’ve come to make amend but I guess coming back here is a grievous mistake on my part..” marks Ezra sadly as he walks away from me.

Canvas Thee Thoughts - Hope To Hold

“Oh God!!!What time is it now?” Finally me waking up. My heads seems to be still in the cloud as I felt kind of groggy and listless. I grab my phone just to look at the time and it’s almost 11am. I sat up on the bed for a while as my mind begins to recall my late sweet date with Ezra. It was simple coffee cookie date, just right at our garden. I knew Ezra mean so much to me now. And I promise myself, despite whatever outcomes or obstacles bound to spike us, I will stay committed and faithful to his love.

“Today is the day..” I thought to myself with a smile beaming on my face. I pushed my blanket off from my legs and quickly tidy up my bed. “Few hours more before our big day Ezra..”

After showering, I decided to head towards the kitchen to prep ourselves a brunch. As I amble towards the kitchen, my heart begins to feel something was kind of a miss. Our home seems to be too quiet. The windows was kept close and the curtains was not drawn open. Because usually Ezra will be the one that will open up all the windows and curtains as he simply loves the airy breezy feels surrounding our crib.

I crept slowly towards Ezra’s room. Strangely the door was wide open. “Ezra..” I muttered. His room was empty. The worst fear sets in my heart, Ezra had chosen his path.. of not wanting to uphold our hopes and dreams. He left…

Tears of heartbreak and disappointment begins to form in my eyes. 

Suddenly there was a knock on the door. In a brief moment, I swiftly wipe the tears of my eyes as I walk towards the door to check who was it.

It was Habil looking as distraught as I am. He knew it..On the other hand 1 believe.. wanting so much to believe Ezra will be with him. But Habil came alone. “ He wants you to have this..” said Habil as he passed an envelope.

I took it and sank down by the couch which laying next beside me. Habil came along and sat next to me.

“Where’s my dad?”

“He’s resting at this moment. He’s good ..”

I nodded my head as I begin to open up the envelope and drew out a letter from it.

“Reem, please forgive me. I thought I’m strong enough to hold on to our love, dreams and hope but I lack the courage to face it all. I will never blame you for hating me now.. I believe you will find true love that’s forever and eternal. Keep me in your prayers Reem but do move on from our fallen dreams.”

“Habil, please tell me.. where is he??” I cried frantically as I clutch on to Habil’s arm as hard as I possibly could.

“I’m sorry Reem.. I wish I knew but I don’t..”

“Why didn’t you stop him from leaving .. why? Why?” I cried tearfully sobbing uncontrollably. “Whyyy”

Habil took me in his arms and held on to me. As gently as he could, he runs his finger on the back of my head.

Taking orders was a brief matter to me now. Even though Ezra was not present to be dealing and countering his florist ventures, I’m willing to take over..for one thing I just want to be part of it, part of him. He might not be present but it seems his spirit do. I wouldn’t want to think the worst could have happened to Ezra although he had left us for almost three months now. I know, I just know Habil was keeping a deep secret from me. He fathoms Ezra whereabout. No matter how much I’ve tried persuading him to disclose Ezra’s site, he just remain dumbfounded. Brothers will be brothers and I respected that. Anger and sadness do consume me during the first few weeks of Ezra’s sudden absconding. I blame myself for everything that happened. However throughout my forsaken canvas, my dad was with me, witnessing my breaking tears and ordeals. 

Habil had said these, “ Reem, didn’t you realise.. this is a silver lining laid upon you.. your chance to know more about Ariel..your dad needs you too, to be there for him. You do need him too.. I’m sure of it..”

“I’m not strong enough..”

“That’s what your mindset telling you but not your heart.. you’ve been through worst shit before and this is nothing Reem.” Upon hearing those words, a fresh sense of raging courage burns me.

“Yeah.. this is nothing.. I’ve been alone before but now I’ve got someone, that I can call my own.. my dad.”

        

Canvas Thee Thoughts - Unwillingness

 Silence seems to be killing the emotions, fear sets to anger..love might transit to hate. Ezra remains quiet throughout our journey back home. The drizzling evening rains seems to clarify my thoughts of cloudy mood. I know Ezra is ultimately upset and disappointed because I lied to him.

“I need to know the truth, that’s why I went back there looking for him..” I snapped as I stop midway.

“I’m worried sick do you know that!!!’ He cried. “Your dad his emotions and mental is unstable.. things could happen..”

“He was okay, not until you came around..” I heaved.

“Oh!! Really?? How about yesterday? He thinks you’re his dead wife and decides to strangle you!” Reminded Ezra.

Okay on this he certainly got the point. 

“I’m sorry okay..” I said grimly.

“And Reem for once please stop being so apologetic..” state Ezra as he had his sight towards me. “Looked.. I just do not know where to start.. now you already knew Aaron is my dad and Habil is my elder brother. And with that new episode of truth makes me hated Aaron even more…”

I walk closer towards Ezra and asked, “How long ago have you knew about this?”

Ezra remain clambered.

“Ezra you can share with me?” I said.

“After his death.. I received a call from him.. Habil..” he replied solemnly.

With this, it makes me wonder does Habil knew the truth after Aaron’a death too? “How about Habil?” I asked as I can’t contain my curiosity anymore.

Ezra chuckles lightly but I could sense deep sorrow from the tone of it. “He’s the golden boy..Aaron manage to locate his lost son, way back and decides to groom him into someone outstanding. Unlike me.. he treats me like an outcast!!”

“No Ezra, Aaron thinks highly of you.. you knew that, it’s just you never notice it..” I said then I paused. “Probably I’ve been think shitty things about Aaron too but from what I know from Ariel.. Aaron is indeed a saviour. He sacrificed his love for my mum and gave her heart to Ariel instead. Which unfortunately, Ariel my dad has forsaken..” I muttered. “My fate dreadfully could turns out to be like him..?I’m afraid I might be a curse to you Ezra. I can’t promise you the happiness which we’ve dreamt about..”

“Reem…” state Ezra as he stands next right close to me. He had his arms around my hips as he brings me closer upon his chest. “Reem, there’s something which you need to know.. something about me..”

“I’m here ..” I muttered.

There were sadness written in his eyes and this makes me more anxious then ever. “What is it Ezra?”

“Reem, what do you dream about us? Our future?” He asked.

“I never really thought about it.. I just take things like how it is.. as long as we are sincere and honest with one another, I’m sure our foundation of love would be strong as ever..” I said.

Ezra smile but tears begins to well in his eyes.

“What’s wrong Ezra?” I asked as I held my palms gently upon his face.

“I dream of living in our current home with our beautiful children colouring our hopes and dreams. I dream my flora business will flourish globally as I will work as hard as I could to bring and provide good life for all of us.. I will bring you to the best psychiatrist to heal you and your dad..the list is too long for me to mention it all..” marks Ezra 

“Oh Ezra..” 

“But..” paused Ezra. “I’m afraid those dreams could never happen ..” state Ezra as he held my fingers and bring them to his lips. Suddenly he begins to sob. 

“Ezra please tell me what’s wrong?” I asked as anguish notion begins to ransacks my heart.

“I’m dying..” state Ezra sorrowfully.

“What?” I muttered as I held on to Ezra as he begins to tremble faintly.

“I’ve cancer. They found some rare but ferocious cancer cell in my blood stream.”

I shake my head in disbelief. “No..no.. you are not dying.. I’m sure something can be done to cure you..”

“I’ve got less than a month..” said Ezra dejectedly. “Please forgive me Reem..I guess letting you go is the best choice which I need to do.”

“No.. don’t. Let me be there for you, let me take care of you ..”

“I do not want to be a burden to you Reem..”

“I don’t care what you want to think or say.. we should solemnities our marriage.. we could do it today, this evening..”

“Wait till tomorrow..alright.” State Ezra as he lightly kisses my lips and embrace me as close as possibly he could.

The wondrous cold clammy weather had indeed turns beautifully cosy and warm.. just been in his arms makes me feel whole again. 

Canvas Thee Thoughts - Brittle Notes

 We stood there looking at each other like lost lovers reunion moment. 

“Habil..” I muttered as these sudden gush of guilt raining inside my guts. “I’m sorry..” I blurted.

Habil held his fingers and as gently as he could, he run them in between my hair. Such a beautiful and delicate feeling.. I feel so enlightened and warm. 

“It’s all over now.. the important thing now is for both you and your dad to get the proper treatment..” said Habil with an earnest smile mark on his face.

He seems to read my thoughts as he begins, “The authorities doubt my story.. and true enough the CCTV had shown it all..”

“It was me.. I should be the one to be jailed not you..” I state.

Habil lightly shakes his head with a smile. “It’s nobody’s fault… things just happened… situation which we can’t control. Now is the time for us to focus on healing..no more lingering about the past.”

I nodded my head. “Yup no more dark chapters..”

“And..congratulations on your engagement with Ezra..” state Habil.

I smiled sheepishly with my eyes suddenly fixed upon the moulded cemented flour. “He’s been a great help to me.. he’s beside me during my darkest period and I believe he’s genuine with his feelings for me..”

Habil remain silent but from the corners of my eyes I could see grief sadness shrouding his features. 

“However, the sacrifices which you have done for me and my daddy, only God could repay you..” I said as I lightly touches his hands. 

He looked at me and said, “No it’s not about that.. there’s something which you need to know more about Ezra…”

“I think your job is only to look after the old man. I can handle Reem..” state a stern voice and to my dreadful flash, it was Ezra. Without second thoughts Ezra roughly pulled me away from Habil. “Because Reem is not as hopeless as what everyone thinks!!!” Marks Ezra much to my disappointment.

“You think I’m hopeless?” I asked as I stare hard upon Habil.

“I would never said or even think such things about you or anyone else..” sighed Habil with anguish disappointment mark on the tone of his voice.

“Come Reem we are leaving…” state Ezra firmly as he pulled me along with him. “And next time, make sure you tell me wherever you’ve decided to step out from our home..” hissed Ezra as his darken traits enraged his soul.

“Oh son of Aaron, why the need to rush?” Cried Ariel as he was suddenly awaken from his nap.

“Son of Aaron?” I asked as I look at Ezra. 

“Oh sweetheart didn’t Aaron told you both Habil and Ezra are his sons..from his previous marriage before he met Leila that wreaked witch ” Asked Ariel as he walked closer towards us.

I looked at both of them. Habil had his gloomy side looking sadly at me while Ezra his darkening anger roams ferociously upon me.

In just a split second, Ariel charge forward and pounce Ezra’s chest just like a while beast. Ezra lost his balance and fall on his back. Ariel sat on him and continued to punch and hit Ezra chest as hard as he could. Habil quickly grabbed Ariel and forcefully pulled him away from Ezra.

“Quick Reem, bring Ezra away from him.. I can handle your dad here..” advised Habil as he hold on to my dad as hard as he could. Ariel was struggling in between Habil’s arm. “Go now.. go!!!” Cried Habil.

“Crazy, stupid old man..” snarled Ezra as he hassle to stand up.

“Mind your language. That’s my father you’re talking about!” I snapped.

Without second thoughts, Ezra roughly tugged me and took me away from that home, leaving Habil and my dad behind. I took a frantic look towards them. 

“Be calm Ezra.. please!!!” Cried Habil.

“Like I said, concerns yourself with that old man..and leave my problem alone..” snarled Ezra.