Canvas Thee Thoughts - Lament In Wakes
Walking back home, through the setting sun, while immersing my lamenting feelings of uncertainty, somehow or rather frail me out to exhaustion. I'm trying to tell myself, instilling rays of courage that everything will be okay, things will fall back like how it used to be. But for how much longer do I need to be chasing hope...? Recalling my previous visitation to the oncologist department regarding my dad's latest prognosis, it wasn't that pleasant at all.
"It could be a month at least, or two weeks at most..." state the oncologist gravely. "I'm afraid, the cancer cell has spread to his spine, bone and his brain .."
Upon receiving that devastating report, I just felt my burning courage of endurance, had decides to frost midway, without even touching the finishing ground of victory. That so called promises which I've vow with my dad, off taking back what's being taken from us and to regain back our rights and respects, were indeed just a faltered strive of meaningless hope.
Those reports which Habil read, were just the old ones instating those minor ailment of my dad, suffering from hypertension, cardiac prolapse and stroke. Therefore, he wasn't exactly aware about my dad's latest prognosis.
As I came upon the front gate of the garden, I saw the dim light of my dad's room was already on and I knew Habil has arrived. I'm not really that surprised that Leia was not around for I knew she might be out somewhere either at Ezra's apartment or just out. Apparently I just felt relief, I just want to be alone with my dad.
"Why are you hiding the hard truth about your father?" Whispered Habil as I came into the room. "I demand an explanation which I truly deserves.."
"Your job is just to look after my father's needs.. you've no right to pride your nose with my affairs.." I snapped irately.
"Look Miss Reem, for now your dad's well being is my affair.." state Habil sternly. "If the truth were not mention to me or to any other caregivers, that would surely jeopardise our career. We could have make mistakes unknowingly, while caring for him especially which involve with medications." Marked Habil.
"Because I can't trust anyone anymore.." I sighed with reaping tears settling in my eyes.
"You've got to learn to trust yourself..." said Habil. "That's the adamant point, if you need to fix what's been claiming your faith.." continue Habil with concern note enclosing his tone.
I hover towards my dad as I sat close by his side, resting my face upon his shoulder. "I'm afraid this tiredness had overcome and enshrouded my faith.. I have questions after questions ringing in my head. What will become of me?"
Habil remain mum as he held the latest case note of my father, close to his side.
"Things wouldn't turn out this way if only I would just listen..." I quiver as I struggle not to let my tears to fall.
"It was an accident.." utters Habil solemnly.
"That's what I've been telling myself but my guts betray me so..." I said meekly.
"It was because that's what your mind wanted you to think.." he replied shortly.
"I pushed him down the stairs.. " I said coldly.
"In a fit of anger, where your mind wouldn't want to listen to your heart.. when all your senses decides to shut down, but what was left was that rage, twisting with your thoughts .." marked Habil with earnest notion. "However Reem, you didn't pushed him down the stairs... he fell. As I've been reassuring myself too after I've watched that cctv.." he paused as he amble closer next to my side. "And about Maya... it's no ones fault either .."
In a shocking note, I had my sight staring hard upon him. "You've been prying with my past? With my mental disorder?" I hissed.
"It's something which I'm obliged to look into it..." replied Habil grimly.
"Please pack your stuff, leave and never come back .." I rant furiously as I turned my sight away from his empathy gaze.
"I know how that feels Reem.." state Habil with dismay trade in his chord. "My past was filled with embedding scars too." And with those words he took his strive to leave.
I ponder for a moment upon hearing that statement as I watched him took his sling bag and swung the strip across his shoulder.
"My mum passed away when I was barely twelve.." I said, as that rancid past once again, had began to engulf gripping fear deep within my soul.
Habil stay rooted with his back facing my wreaking spirit as he remain unspoken, probably he's anticipating for more words coming out from my chord.
"She took her own life..." I stammered as burning tears welling in my eyes. "Something which I'm just too afraid to accept and let go.."
Habil had his sight towards me, as he amble closer right in front of my trembling form. "None of this happening is your fault.. none of it.."
"I've tried to stop her... screaming, yelling and forcefully tries to veer that steering wheel so that our car will sway away from that torrential stream, but she carries on driving straight ahead. And within that split second our car had plunges straight in..." I cried with decapitating courage. "It was simply horrifying .." I stammered in between my sob. "In that sheer moment I've managed to free myself from my seatbelt but I was struggling to undo hers. Our car was sinking too fast by then.. suddenly I felt I've been forcefully pushed out from the car... and then my mind just goes dim and blank.. I couldn't remember whatever happened next.."
And with those sentiment, my courage had indeed perish with my breaking tears as I wept uncontrollably in Habil's embrace.
No words were spoken between us only warm hugs of comfort, that signify the bliss pleasure of embedding sense of belonging...
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