Canvas Thee Thoughts - Pulsing Dawn

Canvas Thee Thoughts - Pulsing Dawn

The light tapping of the door had immediate cause me to arise from my slumber, in such pulsing manner. I soon realised I've must have fallen asleep close next to it due to that fatigue crying which I was cast to endure that previous evening. I rubbed my eyes with the back of my hands, as I timidly place myself upon the door, in wanting to know who was outside.

"Miss Reem.." he mutters gently.

To my relief, it was Habil. I get myself off from the floor and half opened the door.

"I'm off duty now.." he said, as he gaze upon me with worrying note mark in his eyes.

"Yes of course .." I state, as I lightly nodded my head in acknowledgement. "Let me walk you to the door.." 

"Sure.." he said. "Look, if you can't managed the rest of those payment, I understand.. you don't have to rush" said Habil, with earnest concerned narrates in his tone.

"I'm capable of that.." I snapped. "I'm not that hopeless like what they've always think.."

Habil remain statue, as he still had his sight looking anxious towards my trouble self, and his intense gaze seems to immerse right through my fragmented soul. 

"I'm sorry... I don't mean to be harsh .." I mutters when on that spur moment, he had tenderly wipe my tears off from my face. I was taken aback, and I move few steps away from him.

"I will be back here again later evening .." he said and then he walks away.

I watched as he pass through the gate of our home garden and headed towards a motor bike. I cautiously peeped in between those sheer curtain as he puts on his helmet. Out of a sudden, he turn his sight towards my direction. In a swift, I moved away from the window and decides to go back to my daddy's room. There I saw him sleeping so soundly. I tiptoe closer towards his bed as I glance at him with unspoken words webbing in my thoughts. "Does the fault lies in me? Or was it my mother?"

I could almost remember upon that one typical afternoon, while both my mum and dad were celebrating my eleventh birthday, when suddenly a lady had came barging through our home with raging fits of hatred and anger. There were seems to be having some sort of a massive argument with that lady keeps scoring the details about my mum being the vile being. I clasp both my ears with the palms of my hands as I continue to weep. My mum was being crudely name and terrorised by her words. It's something which I will never forget...

"Reem..." called someone, forcing me to break free from my wrecking thoughts. And to my disgusts, it was Ezra.

"Stay away from me.." I hissed sharply towards him.

"Reem... please forgive me. I wasn't thinking straight yesterday." Utters Ezra gravely as he came closer towards me. 

"Just leave..." I cried but apparently, my words doesn't seems to sip through his head  as he tries to forcefully held me in his arms. With both my fists I hit him hard on his chest and his face.

"You bitch..!" Roared a voice and to my sickening plate, it was Leia, as she storm towards me and drags me away from Ezra's arm.

"Ezra, what's the meaning of all this?" Shouted Leia, causing my dad to stir and moved restlessly in between his blankets. 

"It's about time too Leia, the truth need to be known .." marked Ezra. "My engagement with you, was indeed a biggest mistake which I'm force to go through ..."

"What do you mean by that Ezra?" Asked Leia furiously.

"My heart belongs to Reem..." replied Ezra to my alarming notion as he looks at me with intensity script cast deep in his soul.

And with this intoxicating state, which has just plunge me, I fled towards my room and shut the door behind me.

"How could you played with my heart in such manner? First cut is indeed the deepest.. I've lost you and then fate has let our path to cross again... serenading songs bringing back my memories of you... I just hate myself in dwelling with such thoughts .. what hurt most, you knew how I've always felt for you, but then you cut me and leave me hanging, hoping for something which is indeed impossible..." yelled my inner vents. 

After I had my quick shower, I packed up my notes and shove them in my bag pack as I decides to go straight to my college. Even though, my lessons would only start later in mid afternoon, but I've made up my mind to head down there just to consolidate my disarray soul.

I stepped out from my room and there was Leia looking distraught, as she sat on the couch all by herself. Freda was out again, probably away from this state due to one of her high end conference meeting, which I wouldn't want to care less.. Ezra must have left too.

In a midst, the form guilt begins to shroud my nerves as I took a glimpse upon Leia. "Look, whatever happens between me and Ezra is just a passive notion.." I begins. "I've forsaken his love before and my feeling for him is simply null.." 

Leia still had her weeping self, looking hard towards the coffee table. I waited for a moment and then I decides to just walk away.

"I'm pregnant .." mutters Leia sadly.

I stop as I clenched both my fists tightly around the handle of my bag. "Does he knows?" I asked shortly as I had my sight upon her.

She nods her head tearfully. "Mum must never know about this though .."

"What both of you intend to do now?" I asked again.

"He's not willing to accept it." State Leia faintly. "He wants me to get rid of it.."

"What has indeed become of him?" Rammed my inner speech. "Where have all his significant attributes gone too? His sense of responsibilities, his beautiful manners and kind traits ..?" Continue my raging thoughts. "Probably what my dad had warned me earlier about him is true after all .."

"Reem, I belief this could me the retribution which has pound me, due to my selfish acts." State Leia which leads my soul with riddling note. "I've always known how you've felt for him..."

"Stop saying this kind of crap.." I snapped.

"Three of us have grown up together in this same house.. that includes his late sister." Continues Leia causing the blizzard rift to scar my spirit again. "And I could tell, just by the way you speak to him, the way you look at him. And the fact that, he seems to care too much about you rather then me.."

"That's all our bleak past.. stop bringing it up.." I mutters.

"Maya's drowning in the pool wasn't your fault either..." marked Leia.

"I said enough .." I shouted angrily as I held on to my breaking tears and headed for the door.

That terrifying past, which I've been struggling to untangle my guilt from it. "I've never meant too..." cried my jabbing guts as I quicken my steps. "I'm not crazy...I'm not even aware of what's happening.."

Ezra, was helping out in our orchard with my dad and Freda. His mum was not around as she was sent by Freda to buy some groceries. Therefore, there were left me, Leia and seven years old Maya by the one meter swimming pool. Things were looking fine and blissful at the very beginning of it until Leia begins to say horrid things about my mum.

"Your mum is crazy and weird.. she's not normal and so are you.." begins Leia crudely.

"No.. she's not." I marked with darkening anger engulfing my soul.

"Yes, she was.. she talks to herself and she talks funny.." jabbed Leia again.

"Would you stop it?" I roared.

"If she's normal, she wouldn't have killed herself and the worst straw, she even wanted to kill you too.." mocked Leia cruelly.

In a fit of anger, without second thoughts, I've took Maya's doll which was laying next to me, and flung it into the pool. To my horror, Maya jumps straight for her doll, as she seeing her doll sinking deeper and deeper inside the pool.

"Maya..." I screamed as I dashed towards the  corner of the pool, reaching out my arms as far as I could, almost touching her frantic struggle. Just then, Freda, my dad and Ezra rushed in a huff probably they might have heard the troubled commotion. 

Without hesitation, my dad had jumped into the pool, while Ezra came towards my raving form and pull me closer next to him. I knew and I could simply sense that he was burning courage of hope...hoping that Maya will be all right.