Canvas Thee Thoughts - Fading Sphere

 Canvas Thee Thoughts - Fading Sphere

The raging fire with the fiery heat just not wanting to appease it's adament form. I could almost hear the fading sound of my name being called again and again, but I just couldn't catch that voice..

"I'm coming ...I shall be there soon and help you..." I mumbled. It's a nightmare but it seems so real...I struggle to force myself to awake.

"Habil.." I whispered as I woke up in such a startled manner. I heave a light sigh as I realized it's almost noon. I tugged away the blanket and sat on my bed, while bunning up my hair. "Why Habil?" Rant my thoughts.

It's like been almost a year I've not heard or found anything about him. I did try to get in touch with him, but he simply shut me off..and that's somehow or rather accumulate my breaking emotions for that pass six months..

After a quick shower, I headed towards the kitchen to make myself a sandwich, as my stomach begans to rumble a concave tune.

"Hey..sleep well Reem?" Asked Ezra with grin.

"I suppose so.." I mark solemnly.

Ezra, took an apple from the fruit bowl and took a bite.

"How long have you been seeing my father?" I asked solemnly.

Ezra remained silent. 

"I believe Aaron knew about my father's current condition too right?" I asked again grimly. "Hmmmpphh, bringing this guilt together along in his death..." I mutters as I stood up and decides to walk out from the kitchen.

"That's why, I've decided to let you know..the truth.." utters Ezra. "Only after his gone..."

"I need to see him again. I believe, he will come around and see the reality..that I'm his daughter. Ezra, my father needs to see the truth too..the reality..please.." I pleads, hoping Ezra will take me to see Ariel again..

"I will...but seeing his outburst yesterday..I think, we need to refrain ourselves of being near him..not at this moment yet.." explained Ezra. "Reem, how about later, we go out for dinner..? Take a stroll along the beach..just ease our thoughts away from all this..? You need this Reem.."

"I need my father..!" I snapped as I left Ezra hanging to his hopes. "It's you that need to be away from me.." I cried as I storm up the stairs.

"Where are you going?" Ask Ezra with worrisome look mark across his face.

"I need space alright.." rant my thoughts. "I need to buy my girl stuff..you know pads, lotions.." I utters not looking in his eyes. Was it out of guilt or probably I'm still feeling upset about that afternoon ordeal.

"Wait, I'm coming along..." State Ezra as he reached out for his car keys.

"No..no..not necessary.." I said. "Ezra, just let me have a bit time on my own..you can't be babysitting me all the time. Give me my space.. alright, please at least respect this small request of mine for once..." I state earnestly.

Ezra looked at me solemnly and lightly nodded his head. 

"About us.. yeah, I've been thinking alot about it.." I utters. "Yes..I will.."

"Reem..!" Mark Ezra with a gleaming smile. "You've decided..oh God..oh God.." cried Ezra as he came closer to me and held me close in his arms..."A ring...I will get a finest ring for you, I will book the imam and have our nikah at the local mosque..." Continue Ezra excitedly.

"Okay, okay..we will do that soon.." I said. "But for now, I do need my pads.." continue I with a meek grin.

"Of course my lady..you may have alllll the space you want...once you are mine..." Utters Ezra..

"I will stick by your side..until you get so sick and tired of me..haahaa.." I said cheekily.

"Haahaa.. okay enjoy your space baby..but don't be back home too l

ate.. okay.." remind Ezra.

"Okay boss...!" I reply.

Canvas Thee Thoughts - Wasting Wanted

 Canvas Thee Thoughts - Wasting Wanted

"You certainly sure about this?" Asked Ezra grimly with his sight piercing through the concrete wall. The concrete wall of a ran down bungalow.. 

Half of the roof is totally gone, with gaps and holes which could be visibly seen from few feet away where we stand. The walls were horribly stained with dirt, grim and algae..

"I need to know.." I state earnestly.

Ezra took my hand as we took our steps towards the half open door of the dilapidated crib.

"Ariel...it's me Ezra.." state Ezra with self compose calmness mark in his tone.

"Did you bring her...?" Cried a trembling voice somewhere within the rooms.

"Not her, someone else, someone whom you ought to know..." Mutters Ezra with sudden guilt stricken cross his soul.

Within the silence of the wall, I could hear the light footstep of him, Ariel my father. There he stood, just few inches from us. He had his sight upon Ezra then next his gaze falls on me, crippling my heart with fear and sorrow..

He amble himself slowly towards me, with written anxiety clearly mark on his sunken face. His eyes were so hollow and dark with anguish strike in his iris.

He held his trembling fingers and begin to gently stroke my hair. "Anna.." he whispered.

Maya my late mother's name.

"Ariel..this is not Anna.." said Ezra calmly. "This is Reem, your daughter, remember the one that I've been telling you before.."

"You betrayed me Anna...you betrayed me..you already kill me, and why must you come back...to cut me again.." roared Ariel furiously when suddenly he darts towards me. With his hands, he grabbed my neck clutching them tightly upon his wrist.

"No Ariel...no.." cried Ezra as he pulled Ariel away , grabbing his arms forcefully away from my neck. " Reem, wait for me outside, now go.." warned Ezra as he pinned Ariel down on the murky marble floor.

I took on my feet and ran as fast as I could, not wanting to turn back..not wanting to accept...

"What have my mum done? So much hatred and sadness.." jammed my mind.

"Reem.." mutters Ezra startled me from my sobbing daze. He held me in his arms calming my sobbing self. "It's okay, he will be ready to accept all this one day.. believe me.."

I sat upon the couch with riddling maze mapping my thoughts. 

"Reem, do eat or drink something..stop punishing yourself in such manner..." Utters Ezra as he place a mug of hot cocoa on the coffee table.

I remain silent but tears simply not wanting to leave me.

"Aaron took your mum and began caring for her because he cares too much about her ..he wants to protect her...from..." State Ezra.

"From Ariel, Ariel my biological father..? Protect her against what..huh? Against his madness?" I snapped furiously. "My father turns mental because of Aaron. You told me yourself, how you hated Aaron.. Aaron took everything away from Ariel..he's cruel..!!!"

"Certain things are best we just leave it out to rest...we don't live their lives, therefore we don't really know what had actually happened.." explain Ezra.

"Okay..okay I accept that theory..but why Aaron need to separate my mum from my real father..???"I cried as I stood and came closer towards Ezra.

"Your father, he's not well..." Stammered Ezra. "He has schizophrenia. It got worst when he almost hurt your mum with a cleaver.."

"No.." I stutter recalling my very own episode of seeing and hearing things, as I sank back on the couch with Ezra holding on to me. 

"Aaron mistake, for lying to your mum, telling her that your father is dead...when actually, he had place Ariel in one of the asylum.." said Ezra. "That's where I began to despise Aaron. And you know why I actually accept that engagement with Leia?" Continue Ezra glumly. "So when the time comes, I will turn my back on Leia, I want Aaron to feel what it feels like to be betrayed by someone you trust..." Paused Ezra. "Even God on my side, when Leia is stupid enough to mess her life as such..."

"All this while, I thought it was my mum.." I utters.

"Aaron drugged Anna…he wants her to forget, about Ariel, about you .. everything.." said Ezra. "I was there, I had to witness everything..hiding and keeping dark secrets from you.." mark Ezra. "I live in fear, constantly fear... if I were to leak any matters to you..he threatened me, he will place me in a juvenile home.."

"Ezra, you have sacrifice too

much for me..." I embrace Ezra tearfully..."I never know.."

Canvas Thee Thought - : Minding Cracks

Seeing night piecing through the waves of my anxious thoughts, with rancid tears welling up my eyes, simply making me felt too sore to sleep. Not wanting Ezra to look at the state I'm in at this moment, I kept myself away from his sight, his voice and his warm touch. But for how long, could I avoid him..

"Reem..." Called Ezra calmly. "For God sake...if there's something which I've done or say to you... please forgive me..." Pleads Ezra. "It's been three days you've been shutting yourself away from me."

I crouched in between my blankets sobbing myself dried, with that infectious note from Aaron in my hand.

"Reem..please. Don't do this to me and to yourself." continue Ezra. "Stop be selfish would you?" Rant Ezra.

I know, I've been unfair towards him. Aaron's horrific deeds is simply not Ezra's fault. But something seems to be bothering me. Ezra's sudden hatred towards Aaron at that point of time. Argument and fights between them became too norm for us to avoid. I do feel too deeply for Ezra but I was caught in between with Aaron, whom all this while I've thought his my dad.

And Aaron knew, my deep liking towards Ezra, in fact he knew, me and Ezra were already in a serious relationship. However both he and Freda had plans. A plan that break my heart too deeply.

Leia was planned to be engage to Ezra, much to my dismay. And Ezra.. without second thoughts he agrees. He caught my eyes, my tears, my blistering pain. Why? The unspoken question right till now, I never asked..for I never wanted to know either...

And now, he cares..he cares too much and this pain me, tearing me apart.

I crept slowly towards the door and with a heave notion, I opened it. 

He gave such a huge sigh of relief. "Why Reem?"

I place the note, in his palm avoiding his eyes.

Ezra took it and slowly began to read it.

"I know..." Marked Ezra grimly. In a swift, he pulled me close to him. "That's why I hated him..." With those words spoken, he release me and walked away.

"You knew about this? How could you Ezra? How could you hide this matter from me huh?" I cried tearfully. "If I never got this note, I might still be thinking that Aaron is my father, Ezra.." 

"Reem..I just wanted to protect you. I can't lose you, because I'm afraid, if you knew the truth, you will walk away..from us, from me.." pleads Ezra as he firmly hold on to my arms.

"I guess this justify the way Freda and Leia being treating me...I'm so unwanted..." I mutters with a heave of sorrow..I untangle myself away from Ezra's embrace.

Without second thoughts, I began to ransack my closet, emptying all my clothes and shove as much clothing as I could inside my luggage with raging tears clouding my sight.

"Reem... Reem..please.." cried Ezra as he pulled my luggage away from my hands.

"Let me go..just leave me!!!" I yelled. "You are liars..all of you.."

Ezra wouldn't want to take no for an answer, as he pulled me close to him and pushed himself closer to me, pushing me against the closet.."Don't make me do this to you Reem.." with those words spoken, Ezra unspoken darkness of lust began to engrave his thoughts.

"If you dare touch me, I swear, you will never ever gonna see me again.." I cried.

Upon hearing those words, Ezra release his grasped and step few feet away from me..

"You really want to know about your father?" Stutter Ezra with tears welling in his eyes.

I nodded.

"Tomorrow.." mutters Ezra. "Tomorrow..."with those words, he stumble away from me and left me stranded in my room. Unmarked confusion parallel my emotions, killing my courage, killing my spirit.

Canvas Thee Thoughts - Breaking Closet

Canvas Thee Thoughts - Breaking Closet

Crossing my legs as I sat calmly on the wooden floor, with my sight focusing upon the mini closet, I know this is the day that I might have find some answers. The riddling maze that have been sprouting paths of many certainties.

Ezra, was out doing some errands with his mini business venture which he had open up recently. Something which actually surprises me...for his involvement with flora and plants.

I flipped through the end page of the journal, and there's the code..a code which actually could unlocked the closet. Something had caught my attention, while I rummage inside one of its mini drawer, there's seems to be another opening that actually could be unlocked manually, by matching the code numbers. I twist those rolled numbering until finally they matches. Out of sudden, I heard a soft click sound and suddenly the drawer slowly flips itself upside down. Cautiously I peeped inside the drawer. There lays, an A4 size envelope with my name clearly written on it. Upon that banging sense of curiosity, I carefully bring the envelope out from the flipped side drawer, and place it on my lap. I frown but my thoughts was fully blown with excitement and anxiety. "Could it this be the thing which Freda being desiring for?" Rang my emotions.

I carefully untie the string of the envelope and begin bringing out some kind of property deeds and documents with my name clearly written upon each pieces of them. Wow! I blink my eyes several times in disbelief. "Okay, so now what? What am I supposed to do with these?" I mumbled. 

I shoke my head lightly with a glum look clearly written on my face, as I place my fingers back into the envelope to check if there's anything else inside it. And true enough, a note:

To my angel Reem..

Reem, once you touch this note, I am no longer be by your side. When I'm gone, I know, things will get rough on you, but I believe you will embrace the storm with faith and courage. Reem, there's deep a secret which I've been hiding it from you. A secret which has been tormenting my soul for that past 21 years. 

Reem, you are not my daughter. Please forgive me, for keeping this dark secret away from you. I...I took your mother away from your father, in the most deceitful manner.. knowingly, your mother is carrying you in her womb. I'm the one that had eventually ransacked Ana's heart and spirit, emotionally, physically...please forgive me Reem.

I crushed the note in between my fingers, with wreaking tears raging my eyes. There's more words written, but I just don't have the courage to carry on reading them..

With a huge sigh of disbelief and anguish, I shove back all the documents and the notes back into the envelope and carefully place it  inside the flipped over drawer.

Should Ezra know about this? Rang my thoughts.."No...no ..!" 

"If only you are here Habil, you would know what to say..but I pushed you away..." I lay on the floor, quietly drowning with my tears.