Canvas Thee Thoughts - Burning Pride

Canvas Thee Thoughts - Burning Pride

Everything looks hauntingly barren and hollow. All that was significantly left was the half burn garage.

Cautiously, I took few steps towards the gravely burning site.

"Mum!" I mutters as I held on to the temple of my weakening head. The vision of those darkening plight begin to shroud me, conquering my soul. I struggle with horrific pain but pleasure. The amounting pleasure of endurance. Two gun shots filled the night with such clamouring blast. I fell on my knees upon the soft murky ground.

I knew I'm bleeding at this moment, but there's no pain but simply sheer comfort. Not wanting to give in, with valiant spirit, I stood up..as I try to figure out who was shooting me. It was bleak. Holding on to my wounded self, I amble closer towards that shadowing figure...I saw the head of the gun still pointing directly at me, and those hands...my breathing gets heavier as I squint my eyes, so I could catch the glimpse of that shooter... And to my horror, it was Habil.

"Habil!" I cried in a muffle sob as I awake from my tormenting sleep. My whole body was drench with cold sweat.

"Reem.." state Ezra with notable agonizing fear raging his eyes.

"I've hurt them...Freda and Leia? Did I?" I question Ezra.

"You didn't mean to...it was just not you at all..." State Ezra.

"Ezra, please stop lying to me...you are not protecting me...you are hurting me more.." I plead. "I remember everything...!"

True enough, upon the day I was thrown out from my home, I did came back later that night, but with a dreadful agenda. I got myself a shot gun and walk straight right into their home, my home. Without second thoughts, I pulled the trigger, once towards Freda and next towards Leia. However, unknowingly, Habil was standing right behind me. In a swift, he had managed to pull the gun away from my hand. With fit of anger, I marched closer towards him, when suddenly I felt shuddering pain upon my shoulder..I was shot. Habil shot me.

I fell on the floor, in tears, in pain with disappointment.

At that point of time, the cops had arrived.

"It was me, I had shot them..!" Mutters Habil sorrowfully.

"No..it wasn't him. It was me..." I yelled, as I struggle as hard as I could just to get close to him. With all my courage of dampening strength, I held on to Habil but he was roughly pulled away by the cops. I cried tearfully for his name. But to no avail....

Now I'm back to my reality self, I knew I need to undo all my wrong doings, my unforgivable mistakes.

" We must help Habil...it wasn't his doing. It was me. I'm the one that had shot them.." I plead with Ezra.

Ezra remain numb and speechless.

"You don't have to worry about Habil." Mark Ezra soberly. "He's been released, and he's safe.." said Ezra as he stood up from my bed and pace few inches away from me. "Both Freda and Leia survive that shooting..but they live in such grievance shocked."continues Ezra as he pause. "I've made them not to press any charges."

"You.. you've becoming like a living dead for that past six months" utters Ezra with a worrisome look mark on his face. "But we are not giving up, we knew you will eventually overcome this."state Ezra solemnly. "We?" I asked curiously.

Ezra nodded his head grimly.

"You meant there's someone else been looking after my breaking self?" I pry curiously again. "Who?"

"You will know one day. But as for now, if you don't want to take any of those meds, there's one thing which you need to comply." State Ezra firmly.

"What?" I asked.

"See someone professional .." mark Ezra. "I will be there for you Reem.." state Ezra with misty tears dwelling on his eyes.

He held his arms around me..just like the past. He had his most notable, beautiful smile. It seems the old Ezra, Ezra which I've given my heart before is back.

Would this heart of of mine could ever diminished the burning pride? Burning my pride, therefore the ashes of redemption could

Canvas Thee Thoughts - Awaken Dew

Canvas Thee Thoughts - Tapping thee heart.

"It's my bad, for bringing you here, knowingly there's bound to be wet wet weather...." Utters Ezra as he sat by my side.

The hustling of the wind somehow or rather tingles my rippling soul. I stared in solemn daze upon the grey ocean as we both sat under the shelter.

I felt Ezra, fingers gently brush my hair away from my face. I know he was having his sight and his riddling thoughts trying hard to posse my mind.

"Why does she hated me so much?" I mutters grimly.

"Freda?" Asked Ezra with a misfit look pound on his face.

I nodded and had my eyes on him, for I need to know from his point of view.

"Freda hates everything...." Replied Ezra with a hissing tone of disgust.

"No....I don't believe everyone." I said. "Im a mistake...a biggest vile to her."

"And why you need to care so much about how she felt about you?" Asked Ezra.

"I just need a reason..why?" I shrugged.

Ezra frown as he had his dark eyes looking intensely towards the sea.

"How about yourself?" He utters coldly.

Strangely, that question seems to cause unexplainable restless note deep within my soul.

"Do you care about yourself? Have you actually really think about us?" Rant Ezra with a profound frustration.

I remained silent. "If I've been troubling you so much, I shall go..." I utters solemnly.

"See..!" Bark Ezra as he stood up from the stool and amble furiously few feet away from me. "That's all you can think off? Run..! Until when Reem? For God sake, it's been almost six months, you've been shutting off yourself from the world...from everything, from me.." cried Ezra with that tinge of sobbing madness in between his tone.

"And you think, I want to mess up your life like this?" I snapped.

"Reem...!" Roared Ezra as he came forward towards me and had his hands enclosing my arms. "It's your life which is in a mess..go fix it!" He whispered tearfully as he rest his forehead against mine. His breathing is deep and hard..I could sense,he's trying to keep himself calm.

I let myself go, and embrace him with all my might, sobbing tearfully upon his chest..I could hear his heart beat, palpitating fast. He place his hands upon the back of my head, gently caressing my hand.


We had our lunch in grieve silence. Suddenly, something had caught my attention, it was the journal which my dad had left me with. And there's something else, the red mini closet..the journal was place upon it.

"That closet?" I mutters.

"Freda had dump it in the garage...so I decide to bring it here...for your keep sake.." marked Ezra with a grin.

"You carried it or dragged it here..?" I asked.

"Haahaahaa..well..this is Ezra.." said Ezra as he begins flexing his arms.

"Thank you Ezra...for everything." I said earnestly. "I could never have thought that you really cares so much about me.."

Ezra, nodded his head. Suddenly he has his eyes looking profoundly towards me. "We should be together..as a couple, as husband and wife.."

Upon hearing his sentiment, I stood up and walks away from him. Not wanting him to see my tears forming in my eyes, I amble back inside my room and closed the door.


I must have slumber far too long, because as I woke up, my room is seems to be dimly lit by the night lamp. Ezra probably might have turn it on for me.

I pushed the blanket away from my body, as I place my fingers upon my head and begin rubbing it. The migraine and throbbing pain is really killing me.

I walked out my room, and there I saw Ezra sleeping upon the couch. As I had my sight upon him, a surge of guilt begins to haunt me.

I went to the kitchen for I plan to boil some hot chocolate for us to sip on later tonight. It must have been ages, I've not been making myself useful around this kitchen, I thought to myself, as I search high and low for the Coco powder. As I run my fingers upon the second shelf of the cabinet, swiftly my hands clasps into something..it's like a few bottles of medications. Out of curiosity, I took and look at it. I tremble with burning anguish and anger

"Reem..!" Startled Ezra calmly.

"What the hell are these things that you have been giving me?" I blast furiously.

"Reem..please forgive me. You need those stuff Reem..Trust me.." pacify Ezra.

"How could you Ezra?" I screamed as I flung those bottles of tablets hard upon the marble floor, causing them to spill all over the place.

"Because I can't handle you...!" Rant Ezra sorrowfully, I tried hard not to hurt you but you are so capable of many things...you've  done unspeakable things Reem."

Ezra, bend on his knees, as he lays helplessly sprawling on the cold marble floor.

I amble, closer next to Ezra, and held on to his frail form. "I'm so sorry Ezra...I'm sorry." I paused in a while and then I continue,"But please be fair on my side, I need to know, what actually happened...?"

"I'm afraid you may not be able to take it.." state Ezra.

"I need to know..." I plead.

Canvas Thee Thoughts - Fallen Spirit

Canvas Thee Thoughts - Fallen Spirit

The light tapping of the door, had victoriously awaken me from my numb thoughts, which has been clinging on to my frail spirit. My fallen spirit which had bind me for several days or weeks perhaps. Days which I've refused to count or to recall.

In an instance, I heard the door knob click and that distinct footstep, I could almost recognize it was Ezra.

I felt his form, amble slowly towards the window and the sound of the curtain has been withdrawn up..bringing in the warm light shimmering through my room.

"I've called and leave messages after messages but ..." State Ezra calmly midway, probably he might be thinking that it's no used completing those words anyway.

"I've bought you some snacks..." Continues Ezra.

I remained unmoved as I lay 'dead' silent in between blankets.

"If I never come to check on you, I think you might have been dead.." mark Ezra with meek giggle.

"You shouldn't bother then..." I snapped.

"Oh! Thank God, you are alive!" Exclaimed Ezra.

I roughly pushed the blanket away from my form and stared coldly intense towards him.

Ezra, look at me once and then twice, as suddenly with a shrieking tone he cried," Oh! For God sake where is your clothes..."

Upon that notion, he dashed out from the room, slamming the door shut as he did so.

"Like I said, don't bother about me anymore..." I yelled.

He must have overheard my words as he stand outside of my room and cried," Hello miss, let me remind you, this is my home you're camping in..."

True enough, few days after my dad pass on, I was literally thrown out from my home by Freda. A long time planned she must have been plotting even before my dad is gone. I wasn't even given the chance to mourn upon his death. The day, when she finally got what she's been viciously aiming for, my dad's will was the day that I've lost my foothold of that home. I wasn't surprised as she got almost everything for herself, part of the will is for Leia, and this old apartment belongs to Ezra, as for me, nothing, none, nil and I don't give a damn shit anyway. My stuff has been packed and abundantly stake in the garage even without my knowledge. That witch must has called someone to help her, while I was away.

"You see that..." She rant as she shoved me towards the front of the garage and showed me my pack stuff.

"Mum, please don't be so hard on her..." Mutters Leia faintly.

"You shut up or you can leave too..." Warned Freda sharply towards her.

"Fine.. I leave.." I marked firmly as I took my luggages and walk away.

As I was ambling upon the path with spiral confusion thoughts raging my head, I heard someone frantically calling my name. I stood midway not wanting to turn back, cause I know it was Ezra.

"Let me catch my breath..." Said Ezra panting.

"Don't bother..." I state as I continue to took my path.

"Wait..!" Cried Ezra as he lightly held to my arms. "Where do you want to go, I mean to stay huh?" He asked with a worrisome look mark on his features.

I remained statue.. "Why he left without even leaving me a note?" I utters sadly. "Was it something I said or something I've done..?"

"That nurse?" Asked Ezra scornfully.

"One after the other..." I mutters. "My father's death is unavoidable...I know deep within my heart, I'm losing him...but Habil?" I stopped with a sigh. "He never took any payment yet from me and I don't even got the chance to thank him for...for everything..."

"He has passed something to me before he left that night after the tahlil." State Ezra calmly. He put his hand inside the pocket of his jacket and pulled something out from it. It was my dad's red maroon journal. "I believe, Habil want you to have it.."

I took the journal and gently rubbed my fingers upon the leather cover. " What else does he says?" I asked faintly.

"He said....he believes you will pull through these setback.." replied Ezra with his eyes looks intensely towards me.

"He said that and just left..." I utters nodding my head lightly..


"Reem, the weather is good today, maybe we could stroll along the beach or the park, or anyway you wish to go..." Said Ezra as he peers meekly by the hinge of the door.

"Just come in...I'm fully dress now..." I state as I sat on the bed looking glumly towards the wall.

Ezra took his pace and sat on his knees right in front of me.

Suddenly he giggles.

"What can be so funny?" I asked with annoyance.

" You still look beautiful even with that freaking, what the hell is going on face.." blurt Ezra.

"Oh! Shut up.." I said with a faint smile.